Product Details

• Amazon Sales Rank: #7710 in Books
• Published on: 1997-08-01
• Original language: English
• Number of items: 1
• Binding: Paperback
• 352 pages

Review
" The authors' achievement is that they have gone beyond the obvious avoidance patterns to uncover the more subtle ways men and women sabotage love." -- "Publisher's Weekly"

Synopsis
Stating that the fear of commitment is a difficulty experienced by many contemporary couples, a guide for individuals who are looking for satisfactory relationships offers advice on balancing intimacy and independence. Reprint. Tour. PW.

Customer Reviews

Simply Brilliant
I could not for the life of me figure out what was going on in my ex's head and why our relationship wasn't working out. After reading this book I now realise that I have a passive commitment issue. The book describes several different commitment fears. As I read the book I thought, none of these fears were what I was experiencing, and then they discribed the fear that I had and everything all of a sudden clicked. It was like an a-ha moment. It was a fear that I had since I was very young, but which I have been hiding away. It literally sent chills down my spine when I finally figured out what was going on. I now also understand why I was attracted to certain types of partners. I guess you have to face all your fears that you may have otherwise they are going to come back and bite you later on. This book is a must read for anyone who is strugling to make their relationships work.

This book explained my ex's behaviour!
This book has helped me so much. When my boyfriend suddenly announced he was moving to another country within days of telling me he was "100% sure he wanted me" (and suggesting we try living together), I was absolutely devastated. His behaviour seemed so odd and cruel, especially during the next several months where he would keep ringing me and tell me how wonderful and perfect I was, act like he was missing me but say that he didn't want to have a relationship with me. If you've had a similarly bizarre experience and are having trouble understanding what went wrong, I really recommend this book - it will help you recover. It also tells you how to spot the signals a commitment phobic person gives out and encourages you to think about your own role in choosing this type of partner so that you can make sure this never happens to you again!

Absolutely amazing
I found this book fantastic - it refers to 2 main type of person in a relationship - the chaser (passive avoider) and the runner (active avoider).

However the chaser who normally plays the "victim" role actually ends up seeking these types of relationships, as they have commitment issues too, and in order to date someone who is unavailable, you accept their ridiculous conditions in reality because you don't really want a full-on relationship either! Interestingly an individual with commitment issues is not necessarily an active avoider or a passive avoider per se, but may change roles either in different relationships, or even in the same one over time. Hence there can often be a push/pull dynamic.

The eye-opener here is understanding that you are not alone and that an experience which you think no-one else can relate to is actually a lot more widespread than you at first may think, was a real find for me, personally.

I found this book superb, easily the best thing written on the subject that I have ever come across, it will give you understanding (for active readers) and peace of mind and some degree of closure (for passive readers).