Product Description

This is the classic relationship book -- now in trade paperback for the first time. Featured on 'Oprah' and 'Sally Jesse Raphael', this definitive look at the dynamics of male-female communication gets to the heart of the all-too-common phenomenon: women who are ready and willing to commit, and men who back off just as the relationship moves toward the next level. This book can help you to: Recognise early warning signs of the commitment-phobic man; Determine the extent of his fears -- and his willingness to change; Analyse your own role in the situation; avoid unnecessary stress and heartache.

Product Details

• Amazon Sales Rank: #18367 in Books
• Published on: 2003-11-01
• Original language: English
• Number of items: 1
• Binding: Paperback
• 235 pages

About the Author
Steven Carter lives in Los Angles, California. Julia Sokol lives in Bristol, Rhode Island.

Customer Reviews

My Partner left me when the relationship was perfect.....
I thought I was going mad, that I was undesirable and felt completely rejected. Now I feel relieved, positive and have hope for my future relationships with men, after reading this book. This book is so easy to read and understand not to mention interesting, I read it in one sitting! When I met my ex, he was so NOT my type! He was serious, successful, older, and lived 200 miles away! I was not impressed or interested in his advances to begin with, for me there was no attraction....But his interest in ME changed my mind and perception. He was interested in ME, what I wanted from life, what I needed to be happy, it was abit different and felt nice that a man was interested in me for a change. We connected on an emotional level and I found it very attractive. We had a long distant relationship but it worked for us and was not an issue. The time we spent together was near perfect. He was loving, caring, honest, generous, attentive, understanding, the list goes on! But cracks started to appear. The usual apparent "commitmentphobic" signs. I thought this book was written about my relationship with him it was so true! I really thought I had done something wrong, that I may have upset him or that he didn't find me attractive anymore. Long silences, where he would withdraw from me and the silences were uncomfortable. Even though he was sat next to me, I felt so alone. It was all about "him" schedules, times, place we went to, he made every decision. A complete control freak. Moodiness, control, narcisism, comments about my appearance, being indecisive, making unclear statements, all signs he was withdrawing, and about to leave our relationship. The tip of the iceberg came after he had invited me to spend a week with his family on holiday, he even bought the airticket! Two weeks before, he called me and said he had second thoughts? It was a way to destroy my trust and hope, to sever his commitment, to communicate he was in complete control, what happened to my loving, perfect boyfriend? He was distant, focused, controlled, completely fearless...I ended it, I felt so angry and doubted everything he had ever done and said. But Distance is great attraction for men with commitment fears, so after two weeks without me, I got a letter. The usual, loves me, misses me etc, could we meet for a drink. Normally I would have responded or called to reconcile, but after reading this book I put the letter straight in the bin! If you are newly single, thought you had the perfect relationship and in a matter of hours it went from 1000 to 0, cannot understand what went wrong, think you are going mad, feel guilty that the relationship has gone pearshaped, rejected, to blame, insecure, shocked even..You were probably dating a Commitmentphobic, and you are not to blame! Commitmentphobic men follow a pattern. They woo you, the impulse so strong, they will do anything to capture your heart, when he is successful and the woman responds, he gets scared, negative thoughts and feelings, he feels suffocated, he needs to get out, so he leaves...And that - is the cycle. Until this man recognises he has a problem, every relationship he has will start and end the same way until he breaks the cycle. He thinks this woman is amazing until she responds with love than all of a sudden she is apparently - wrong for him! But it is HIS fear of commitment that is standing inbetween her and his thoughts! you cannot change this man, he can only change himself, with a therapist... Buy this book, gain insite into what went wrong and find a man who isn't afraid to love you. This book is amazing, some points in the book made me laugh because these men are extremists, their behaviour so unbelievable. I also felt some sadness, that a man will allow himself to be controlled by fear, to miss the opportunity of love because he is scared. I am totally impressed and it has helped me build a new, different chapter in my life, one that doesn't include a man, one of self discovery and finding happiness from within!

This book is brilliant
I read this book after a painful, rollercoaster of a relationship ended. The authors write very clearly about the various, sometimes inexplicable behaviours that these men adopt, lots of which I had experienced and never understood. After reading the book and realising that these were typical and actually not my fault after all, I stopped blaming myself and became very thankful that it had ended without me wasting any more of my life on this person who will probably never change. I cannot recommend this book too highly.

I wish I knew this stuff 17 years ago
I found this book very helpful in explaining my estranged husband's odd behaviour.It also gave me an insight into other men and women I have met over the years.

The authors do make the point that a commitment phobic person may even get married. I would have liked some more information on this, but as the book was mainly about dating and weeding out people who are going to waste your time, I suppose the next book they write could cover that.

The more I read, the more I felt a great sense of enlightenment and relief. I know that in every relationship break up both of you have to take the blame. I realised I was blaming myself too much, and for all the wrong things!

Since reading this book I have looked inwardly at my desire to be with such a person, who gives very little and yet takes so much energy from you. It explained how your ego is so crushed by the time they do leave your defenses are completely stripped. All you can think of is how to get this lunatic back in your life.

I was involved for 17 years, married for 14 and had a child with one of these people. Yet I can honestly say he never committed himself to the relationship.

The book was easy to read, with no psycho babble. It's straightforward manner appealed to me greatly.