Product Description

Four years ago, Chris Slater-Walker was diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome. For him this was an explanation of why he has always regarded himself as "socially handicapped", but for his wife Gisela it meant coming to terms with a marriage in which there would never be any intuitive understanding, despite Chris's good intentions. This is an account of a long and still unfinished process of learning to live with a disability that some regard as incompatible with marriage. Charting Chris's background, the history of Gisela and Chris's relationship and the subsequentimpact of the diagnosis on their relationship, the first half of the book thoughtfully juxtaposes the two authors' stories and their reactions to Chris's condition. The remainder covers developments within their relationship, and the understanding that has grown between the couple; however, the authors never shirk from describing the difficulties that have arisen.

Product Details

• Amazon Sales Rank: #216242 in Books
• Published on: 2002-01-17
• Original language: English
• Number of items: 1
• Binding: Paperback
• 160 pages

Review
Gisela Slater-Walker describes this book, written jointly with her husband, as 'a warts and all' account of their Asperger marriage. Asperger Syndrome is an autistic spectrum disorder. Sufferers lack the normal non-verbal skills and are poor at demonstrating emotion or dealing with emotive matters. Typically they think only in terms of literal or logical responses. Since most of the literature on the subject to date has been aimed at the parents of younger children with Asperger's, this is a much needed and groundbreaking account. As the authors point out, the issues don't go away when children reach adulthood, they remain the same throughout life and have to be dealt with. The Slater-Walkers were unfortunate in that they didn't realize that Christopher suffered from any recognizable disability until quite late in their marriage. When they met at university, Gisela was 33 with three children, Chris nine years younger. Chris felt that he was afflicted with extreme self-consciousness and lack of confidence but Gisela simply saw him as slightly eccentric. If anyone was disabled in the partnership, she thought it was herself since she suffered from temporal lobe epilepsy. Not until their marriage had hit serious trouble and they were considering separating did they read a book by Oliver Sacks that described seven cases of neurological disability. For Gisela, everything began to fall into place with the realization that many of her husband's odd and obsessive behaviours were not the result of perversity or bad temper. After his diagnosis with Asperger Syndrome, Chris was also relieved. It meant that he no longer felt totally inept. They were able to join a local contact group and work on their relationship. It is heartening to see how much the writing of this book has affected their marriage: they have written alternate chapters of the book and each has found what the other has written to be revelatory, as though a curtain between them has been torn down. Gisela has obviously had to deal with constant frustration in her marriage and to some extent this continues but with understanding comes new ways of coping. The book is a testament to the courage and perseverance of two people who have had to struggle unknowingly with the disability of Asperger's for such a long time, and will be an inspiration to anyone with a connection to Asperger's or an interest in the complex interactions between neurology and personality. (Kirkus UK)

About the Author
Gisela and Chris Slater-Walker have been partners for eleven years. Both gained BA (Hons) in Russian Studies from Manchester University. Gisela is an English teacher at Aylesbury High School.

Customer Reviews

Asperger's are not Disabled
I have Asperger's Syndrome and am married.

The main problem with this book is it treats us Asperger's as though we have a disability. In my opinion the Author is not treating us Asperger's with respect, understanding and acceptance. We are not disabled people we are just NORMAL BUT DIFFERENT.

Women who experience failed relationships with Asperger men has little to do with incompatibility rather more to do with these women have failed to understand and accept the differences between us Asperger's and how we act in the world and their Neuro Typicality.

I am unable to recommend this book as I think "alone together" is a far better book in helping an Asperger/Neuro Typical relationship get back on track.

For those who are married or in a relationship with an Asperger, whether one may be the Asperger or the Neuro Typical partner, the book I thoroughly recommend is "alone together" which accurately portrays in a light hearted way what it is like to be married to an Asperger from both partners points of view. At all times, Katrin Bentley the author treats her husband and his Aspergers with understanding and respect.

From best to worst in my opinion:

Alone together (Shows how to rescue an Asperger/NT marriage) I thoroughly recommend - An Asperger Marriage (Lacking acceptance and respect) I would not recommend - Loving Mr Spock (A weepy Catherine Cookson love story novel) which is a complete waste of money.

One type of experience.
One has to remember that whilst psychologists talk about people with Asperger's syndrome being on the Autism spectrum, that Asperger's itself is a spectrum condition, with many ways it can be demonstrated. This book talks of one particular person, Chris Slater-Walker, and does it very well, but don't worry too much if you have AS and find it does not all apply to you.

An amazing insight
I have recently discovered that I have Aspergers Syndrome and have been trying to read as much as possible about it. This book is the best one that I have read as in many ways it was like reading a description of how I feel about certain aspects in my life. I found the book easy to read and in places very moving. In particular the desicription of how the use of email and instant messenger makes it easier for the person with Aspergers Syndrome to communicate made me feel better about using this method of communication myself (my husband and I met this way 12 years ago!) and takes away some of the guilt I feel about prefering this to the phone or face to face. Another section of the book that describes the difficultly with being able to hear what people say in noisy environments was also very moving for me as I did not realise this was even an aspect of Aspergers. I have always had very sensitive hearing and a friend recently described me as having the hearing of a dog, yet in noisy places I don't bother to try to follow a conversation as I just cannot hear what the other person is saying.

It is such a relief to finally know that I (and anyone else with AS) have a reason for the way I act and react and I am not deliberately a rude, unfriendly, awkward and pedantic person. My husband is now reading the book and I sincerely hope that it will also help him to understand me better and help him to cope with the hurt that I unintentionally cause him.

I would recommend this book to any adult who is close to another adult who has or may have AS, or anyone who has AS themselves. I think it would be a helpful book to anyone in this situation, not just for couples where one or both has AS. Once I have formal diagnosis I am considering passing the book to my parents as I feel it would be helpful for them to understand about AS and how I am affected. Therefore if you are the parent or even adult child of someone diagnosed with AS I would recommend this book to you too.