Product Description

'Wonderful ... tells you more about Britain and Britons than any number of po-faced sociologists' Arena

We've all driven past brown signs inviting us to visit unlikely sounding local attractions like Barometer World or a Secret Nuclear Bunker - they're dotted the length and breadth of Britain. But how many of us have taken the time to visit?

Well, our intrepid authors set out to discover what we'd been missing. They dropped by and sampled the small, peculiar and unique delights of places that defy rationality, convention and corporate sponsorship - and in a small way define what it is to be British. The include such delights as:

• Grown men pretending to be warships at Peasholm Park
• The World's largest pencil at Cumberland Pencil Museum
• Children playing skittles with JCBs at Diggerland
• Gnome murder in Essex's Gnome Magic

A hilarious, celebratory tour of the curious, unusual and the sometimes sublimely ridiculous, Bollocks to Alton Towers will take you to places you've never (but should have) been.

'Delightfully sunny' Independent

'Odd, compelling, touching and funny' Daily Mirror

'Inspired ... Little Britain has nothing on this.' Marie Claire

'A cracking read' Loose Ends, Radio 4

'A very, very witty, charming book' Russell Barnes, General Manager, Alton Towers

Product Details

• Amazon Sales Rank: #5919 in Books
• Published on: 2006-03-02
• Number of items: 1
• Binding: Paperback
• 416 pages

Synopsis
The British Lawnmower Museum, Keith Harding's World of Mechanical Music and Mad Jack's Sugar Loaf. In a world of theme parks, interactive exhibits, over-priced merchandise and queues, don't worry, these are names to stir the soul. They are reassuring evidence that there's still somewhere to turn in search of the small, fascinating, unique and, dammit, British. In a stumbling journey across the country in search of the best we have to offer, our intrepid heroes discovered dinosaurs in South London, a cold war castle in Essex, grown men pretending to be warships in Scarborough, unexplained tunnels under Liverpool and a terraced house in Bedford being kept warm for Jesus' return. And along the way they met the people behind them all: enthusiasts, eccentrics and, you know, those who just sort of fell into looking after a vast collection of gnomes ...Makes you proud!

From the Inside Flap
The very best nooks and corners of British tourism. See the world's longest pencil, a mermaid's skeleton and a witch in a bottle. Explore the world's most terrifying bungalow, the village that was stolen and the Victorian theme park that's falling into the sea.

About the Author
Robin Halstead, Jason Hazeley, Alex Morris and Joel Morris are the creators and writers of The Framley Examiner, the spoof local newspaper, and Historic Framley. They are also regular contributors to Viz and occasionally appear on radio and television in disguise.

Customer Reviews

You just have to visit. . . . . .
I was intrigued by the title and after having visited Alton Tovers, the sentiment of the title was the first attraction for me. This book is a humorous and engaging look at some of the more eclectic places in the country to visit, but oddly enough there are some absolute gems out there.

The book becomes a travel guide for the interesting and unusual, the Ripon Tramp Museum was a fascinating view into the changing face of the treatment of the destitute and was certainly something I found worth visiting. There are the more obvious venues to visit such as Orford Ness, but the Bagpipe Museum in Morpeth is a gem.

My advice to you is but this book and begin visiting, you won't spend your days out in queues full of screaming kids and moaning adults, but you might just see somewhere in this country that reminds you that this is Britain not America and we are a nation of eccentrics who can have fun outside a theme park.

Highlights the less visited attractions in the UK
Intriguing title - I happen to like Alton Towers. It's not just Alton Towers the writers are disdainful towards but theme parks in general, along with any attraction that is purely about making money, always packed to the gills with tourists and doesn't inform or educate the visitor. Bollocks to Alton Towers is a compilation of 42 attractions within the UK that are unusual, unique and undervalued. The purpose of the book, it says in the introduction, is to highlight and celebrate the "underdogs of British tourism." The writers have endeavoured to only include those attractions that represent all that is British and have avoided attempting to recreate successful attractions in America in order to get the punters in. So we have places like the British Lawnmower Museum, Gnome Magic, Morpeth Bagpipe Museum and Peasholm Park Navel Warfare. Hm, thrilling. But that's the point; if you want thrills and spills, hustle and bustle and all the fun of the fair, then you'll find this book hard going. These attractions require a little more effort and imagination than your average tourist hotspot.

An alternative to Alton Towers - The book starts off with Blackgang Chine, Britain's oldest theme park, located in the Isle of Wight and set in over 40 acres of Victorian cliff-top gardens. I apparently went there when I was a child but I don't remember. The park is really for children and their parents because there's hardly any rides, just things like Giant Hedge Maze, Hall of Funny Mirrors, and The Crooked House in themed areas including Dinosaurland, Fantasyland and Nurseryland. Blackgang Chine is quintessentially British in that it's modest and understated. Because a British theme park proclaiming that it's the fastest and the best is "a faintly embarrassing spectacle, like a geography teacher bodypopping in a cowboy hat." I can definately see where they're coming from there. What the writers liked about Blackgang Chine was the lack of noise from rollercoasters and teenagers, which means a visit to the park is relaxing for the adults and, perhaps more importantly, stimulates children's imagination more than any rollercoaster could.

An alternative to Madame Tussaud's - Louis Tussaud's House of Wax, a waxworks museum in Great Yarmouth, Norfolk, that's been slaughtered by the press for its crapness. Like Blackgang Chine, the place is stuck in a time warp as the exhibits haven't been updated for fifteen years. The ones they've got are rather poor imitations of the celebrities they're supposed to represent. But the writers liked the museum for its ability to take the visitor on a trip down memory lane and for being a "traditional British seaside experience".

An alternative to Stonehenge - Avebury Stone Circle, about 20 miles from Stonehenge in Wiltshire. This massive site of around 28 acres isn't as famous as Stonehenge but it perhaps ought to be. The writers point out that you can actually interact with the stones themselves by walking amongst them, unlike at Stonehenge where you are kept well away from the monoliths. The overall experience at Avebury is therefore much more fulfilling.

Halstead et al. are an old-fashioned lot, which they are unapologetic about. Many of the attractions in Bollocks to Alton Towers are old-fashioned (or just plain ancient, see Avebury Stone Circle), but are part of a British heritage you want to continue. It would be a shame for attractions like these to die out. You may be interested enough in one or two places to go and visit them, but considering the broad range and quality of places on offer, that wouldn't be bad going.
As has been mentioned by previous reviewers, the photos are in black and white and don't exactly sell the attraction that's being written about. The book cannot get 5/5 because of this fact. Another gripe I have with the book is that there aren't any days out in the Midlands - not one. Although they're spread all over the British Isles, from Wadebridge in Cornwall to Dufftown in Banffshire, the Midlands seems to have been forgotten. I live in the East Midlands and the nearest day out for me is in either North Yorkshire or Norfolk. That's just not good enough!

do not read in public!
I found this book a tremendously funny, oh so accurate about the eccentricities of the British public, and should come with a warning `not to be read on public transport' for fear of embarrassing tears rolling down your cheeks. Best not to take it to Alton Towers too. Highly recommended.