Product Details

• Amazon Sales Rank: #9566 in Books
• Published on: 1997-08-01
• Original language: English
• Number of items: 1
• Binding: Paperback
• 352 pages

Synopsis
Stating that the fear of commitment is a difficulty experienced by many contemporary couples, a guide for individuals who are looking for satisfactory relationships offers advice on balancing intimacy and independence. Reprint. Tour. PW.

Customer Reviews

Simply Brilliant
I could not for the life of me figure out what was going on in my ex's head and why our relationship wasn't working out. After reading this book I now realise that I have a passive commitment issue. The book describes several different commitment fears. As I read the book I thought, none of these fears were what I was experiencing, and then they discribed the fear that I had and everything all of a sudden clicked. It was like an a-ha moment. It was a fear that I had since I was very young, but which I have been hiding away. It literally sent chills down my spine when I finally figured out what was going on. I now also understand why I was attracted to certain types of partners. I guess you have to face all your fears that you may have otherwise they are going to come back and bite you later on. This book is a must read for anyone who is strugling to make their relationships work.

Absolutely amazing
I found this book fantastic - it refers to 2 main type of person in a relationship - the chaser (passive avoider) and the runner (active avoider).

However the chaser who normally plays the "victim" role actually ends up seeking these types of relationships, as they have commitment issues too, and in order to date someone who is unavailable, you accept their ridiculous conditions in reality because you don't really want a full-on relationship either! Interestingly an individual with commitment issues is not necessarily an active avoider or a passive avoider per se, but may change roles either in different relationships, or even in the same one over time. Hence there can often be a push/pull dynamic.

The eye-opener here is understanding that you are not alone and that an experience which you think no-one else can relate to is actually a lot more widespread than you at first may think, was a real find for me, personally.

I found this book superb, easily the best thing written on the subject that I have ever come across, it will give you understanding (for active readers) and peace of mind and some degree of closure (for passive readers).

An eye opener!
My friend bought me this book when my (now ex) partner and I were arguing a lot and I was getting increasingly more frustrated with his behaviour because his actions were not in synch with his words. We broke up 3 weeks ago and I have re read the book looking for answers to his current behaviour and and now realise that I should have paid more attention to the section that tells an active avoider (my ex)what NOT to do cause of the messages it sends to your partner. He has of course done all the 'dont's'and left me completely devastated. I now realise that I was not at fault and am able to move on but the book also showed me a few committment issues I have of my own which I will now work through. It's a very good book and is invaluable at a time of need.