Product Description

"It’s 1979, I’m three years old, and like all breakfast times during my youth it begins with Mum combing my hair, a ritual for which I have to sit down on the second-hand, floral-patterned settee, and lean forward, like I’m presenting myself for execution." For Sathnam Sanghera, growing up in Wolverhampton in the eighties was a confusing business. On the one hand, these were the heady days of George Michael mix-tapes, Dallas on TV and, if he was lucky, the occasional Bounty Bar. On the other, there was his wardrobe of tartan smocks, his 30p-an-hour job at the local sewing factory and the ongoing challenge of how to tie the perfect top-knot. And then there was his family, whose strange and often difficult behaviour he took for granted until, at the age of twenty-four, Sathnam made a discovery that changed everything he ever thought he knew about them. Equipped with breathtaking courage and a glorious sense of humour, he embarks on a journey into their extraordinary past – from his father’s harsh life in rural Punjab to the steps of the Wolverhampton Tourist Office – trying to make sense of a life lived among secrets. Published in hardback as If You Don't Know Me by Now

Product Details

• Amazon Sales Rank: #316 in Books
• Published on: 2009-04-30
• Original language: English
• Binding: Paperback
• 336 pages

Review
'I absolutely loved it. Heartbreaking and wonderful. He writes beautifully' - Maggie O'Farrell 'Could not be more enjoyable, engaging or moving' Observer 'About real secrets, in a real quest for understanding. It's tragic, funny and disturbing. It will challenge you, and may even change you' - Carole Angier, Independent 'Hilarious, engaging, tragicomic' - Meg Rosoff, Guardian "Gripping and entertaining, horrifying and tender ! Exposes all those things we take for granted as we grow up' - Hardeep Singh Kohli, The Times

About the Author
Sathnam Sanghera was born in 1976. He is an award-winning journalist who was previously chief feature writer at The Financial Times and now works for The Times. He lives in London. This is his first book.

Customer Reviews

Absolutely unputadownable! A witty and courageous story of a fascinating life...
Having grown up a Jat Sikh boy in a working class British family I found I could relate to so much of this book, it's probably the first ever written by someone of our demographic that has received so much praise and I understand been nominated for several prizes. Sathnam's story is as well written as his articles in the Times and Financial Times. His words seem to have the power to capture your imagination while occasionally making you laugh out loud. During several chapters I actually found myself laughing out loud uncontrollably on the tube much to my fellow passengers' amusement. The book also delves into more serious issues around his family's struggles with mental health that left me gasping for air and feeling grateful for the life I had... If you think you're family had issues growing up then reading this will definitely bring you back down to earth! My favourite chapter was the excellent description of the arranged marriage dating process which I can only say is one of the most accurate descriptions of modern day second generation Asian life in Britain and Sathnam continues to add his intellectual dry wit at every occasion. I also respect that he has bought out in the open a number of controversial issues with our community from superstitions to the caste system and social integration problems that apply to not just the Sikh community but many other Asian immigrants in the Western world. I highly recommend this book to anyone that wants to read something original, thought provoking and horizon widening.

Laugh Out Loud Funny!
Regular readers of Sathnam Sanghera's column in The Times will already know him for the eloquent and witty wordsmith that he is. It is interesting to learn therefore that he is carved of illiterate parents that speak not a word of English.

Sathnam grew up in a traditional Sikh working class family in Wolverhampton and emerged from it into his middle class media lifestyle in London. He tries (sadly fails) to find true love whilst all the time returning home regularly to endure his mothers plans to arrange him in marriage to a Sikh girl of the "right" caste.

Out of a need to bridge this yawning gap in his double life, Sathnam resolves to write a letter to his mother declaring that he will only marry for love and rejecting her notion of his destiny. The letter forms the penultimate chapter of the book; his mother's response the dénouement.

Sathnam's story is sensitive, thought provoking and most definitely laugh out loud funny. It had me by the end of paragraph one.

The only problem with this book is that it has to end. It's written so beautifully I wanted it to just not stop. Sadly I won't have the delight of reading this great book for the first time ever again. You have that treat ahead of you, so grab yourself a copy, curl up and enjoy!

I read this book in two days, couldn't put it down.
When Sathnam is a young boy his life becomes shaped when his mother tells him of her visit to a fortune teller. "Your son will lift the family out of poverty and misery." This becomes Sathnams self-fulfilling prophecy.
From an early age Sathnam is lovingly brainwashed by his all-powerful, superstitious, Sikh mother. He is not allowed to look at girl, (especially a white girl,) not allowed to cut his hair, or wash it on Saturday or Tuesday, and the list goes on. But the most damming thing Sathnam could ever do to his self-sacrificing mother would be to marry outside his caste and religion. This becomes a problem when he grows into a man and finds himself falling in love with the "taboo" white woman.
For me this was a gripping story as it pushed many emotional buttons; falling in love with someone of a different culture and religion, hoping to be accepted by ones mother in law, and leading a double life in order to play "happy families."
This is the beautiful story of a Sikh immigrant family, in this case, the poorer, the better as it adds such dramatic contrast to the moment when Sathnam is accepted into Wolverhampton Grammar School, and then the almighty Cambridge.
Lurking behind Sathnams bright star is his beloved father who comes across as the Jolly Green Giant, but without the jolly. Another journey of this book is through the kaleidoscope of mental illness and it affects on everyone in the family. Gut wrenchingly depressing, but lovingly overcome when surrounded by a supportive Sikh family.
This book is highly recommended for anyone who has ever been afraid or affected by mental illness, anyone wanting to be successful in life, those who value the importance and duty of the family unit, and most poignantly for those wanting to follow your heart.....this book tastes all of life's spicy flavours.