Product Description

Aims to help couples break free of old patterns of behaviour and avoid using words as weapons when the going gets tough. Encourages upfront discussion rather than resorting to nagging, and to bring discussion rather than confrontation back into your relationship.

Product Details

• Amazon Sales Rank: #8480 in Books
• Published on: 2001-02-01
• Original language: English
• Binding: Paperback
• 192 pages

Customer Reviews

Understanding conflict and how it can make you closer.
After a major blow-up in our relationship I bought this book as a last hope. It has explained to me why conflicts arise, to understand them, and deal with these differently. It has made me see that the root causes of arguments are totally different to the subject of an individual conflict. The book lets you explore your relationship with tasks leading to "ten steps" to recovery. An excellent and encouraging book - a "must buy" if you love the person, but hate the conflict. TWD.

fascinating and useful
This ten step book encourages an acceptance that there is no 'magic answer' to resolving conflict - yet what counts is wanting to change, and being willing to work at it.

Anyone who has ever had an argument with a loved one will know the anguish that such conflict can cause, especially if it is prolonged. It can seem hopeless - but it doesn't have to be. Susan Quilliam's book offers examples of how many different couples can make it work if they choose - their strategies depend on their individual problems. Where this book is most helpful is the case studies of genuine couples who have seen Relate counsellors.

The book encourages you (alone or, preferably, with your partner) to start pinpointing exactly what is the real problem underlying your relationship - often, what you are arguing about is a mere cover for more deep-rooted, fundamental issues and unresolved problems, often stemming from as far back as early childhood.

The reader is encouraged to examine why they fight - but also HOW they fight, with different approaches to argumental 'tactics', crucial to reccognise both in yourself as well as your partner. Susan Quilliam helpfully provides both good and bad 'replies' to a partner during a 'step by step' argument, guiding couples to a more focused, productive mode of communication that does not fall back on aggression.

We are encouraged to discover what pushes a partner's 'panic buttons' as well as our own, and how to tackle problems as a couple. With useful features such as 'Anatomy of an Argument', we become more able to understand how an argument can develop - but also, crucially, how to divert or 'steer' it to a more fruitful and peaceful conclusion.

With the in-depth, clearly analysed and expertly proffered advice within these pages, we may become far more adept at handling our conflicts and start talking - but we may also become more able to help our friends, family and children - who rely on us to provide patterns of behaviour.

Extremely Useful "How to" Book
An excellent book looking at why but more importantly how couples argue, distinguishing unhelpful sytles from helpful styles. It gives clear guidance on steps to take to make a change. We argued and it has caused significant damage to the relationship over a period of years. I was unaware of what was going on in an argument, how its a behaviour dynamic between the two of you, how your behavior has part to play (tough to accept but true) even if your certain its your partners fault. Another excellent source looking at this is Divorce Busting by Michele Weiner Davis or her more updated 7 Step Divorce Avoiding Programe. These are very good, "how to" books. To understand the behavioral risk factors for divorce I'd read the 7 Principles for a Successful Marriage by John Gottman. Thats based on research findings and is excellent again with specific where to start material. All of these are written by people with lots of practical experience in their subject which I believe is a must for real life problems.