Product Details

• Amazon Sales Rank: #7539 in Books
• Published on: 1998-06-09
• Original language: English
• Number of items: 1
• Binding: Paperback
• 258 pages

Synopsis
Discusses the signs and symptoms of borderline personality disorder and explains how the families and friends of patients can cope with BPD behavior while taking care of themselves.

Customer Reviews

Excellent resource for those wanting to learn more about BPD
One of the scariest things to happen to someone is to be diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder... or to have one of your loved ones diagnosed with BPD. There are many resources that explain what BPD is but they offer little help when it comes to dealing with this disorder in everyday life. Stop Walking on Eggshells not only explains the disorder in clear and simple language but it also offers ways for non-Borderline people to deal with the BPs in their life. And yet, this book is not exclusively for non-Borderline people. As a BP, I found the book to be very educational and sometimes shocking. I learned how my behavior affects others around me. It made me more aware of what non-BPs are thinking and feeling and encouraged me in my desire to change my behaviors through cognitive efforts. The authors are both sensitive to the needs of the Borderline Personality and the non-BPs by using realistic and non-accusatory language. Their goal is to help people deal with this sometimes unexplainable psychological disorder. They do not try to offer solutions but rather focus on different techniques that can be of great aid to non-BPs and Borderline Personalities alike. I recommend this book to anyone who has been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, has a friend or family member with the disorder, or is planning on/works in a field where contact with people is a must.

The truth is out there
For those of us who feel like we've been living in some weird plot of the X-files where every so often an alien presence takes over our loved one in unpredictable and often destructive ways this book might just be a godsend.

If you have never lived with someone who has BPD characteristics I can imagine it would be impossible to understand just what it's like. They're brilliant, funny, warm and engaging one moment - and then without warning irrational, blisteringly angry, abusive and manipulative. The rage and abuse can last for several hours, sometimes days, and often through the night until morning. After a while the partner without BPD, or the non-BP as it is termed in this book, begins to question their own sense of perception and what is acceptable and normal. This book provides a lightpost back to reality.

One previous review seems to consider this book as some sort of manual for leaving the relationship and providing convenient labels for justifying this action. I am convinced this reviewer must have read a different book. This book is emphatically not about providing labels but about understanding - understanding that the actions of the person with BP are driven by fear and pain, understanding that in order to be able to provide the framework where a healthy mutually supportive relationship can exist BOTH partners have to be healthy with healthy boundaries. This book is about helping the non-BP have the tools to maintain his or her own personhood and thereby ultimately benefit the relationship.

A BP demands so much of their partner's time, resources and emotional energy. The awful aching emptiness within them, this need for reassurance, this desperate attempt for anything to fill this void and ease the pain and terror. It is easy to be sucked into this needy-child world and willingly give of yourself to the point of exhaustion and then after giving so much be utterly bewildered when this person you love suddenly, and for no apparent rational reason, spends the next 7 hours yelling at you with the most appalling verbal abuse, and when you try to (verbally) defend yourself against the onslaught you get punched, kicked, scratched and have objects wildly thrown at you.

Sounds bizarre, but this happened to me at the mere suggestion I made that I was a little tired. I wish I had had this book on this and the countless other occasions where my remarks (innocent and otherwise) have sparked the fury. Reading this book you will be able understand why you have given and given and yet are still treated in the most appalling and abusive way and it also gives you much-needed advice on ways to avoid or reduce these irrational conflicts.

Of course BPD is an extremely serious condition and the sufferers, if they admit it at all, need very intensive therapy and/or medication. This book is not some sort of self-help treatment guide. It is not our job to cure our loved ones of this awful condition. It is also not anyone's job to be perfect and, as this book emphasises, in any relationship we are 100% responsible for our own 50%. This book gives the non-BP back some self-respect and centre. It explains the difference between triggers and causes, so that whilst something you did or said may have triggered a rage it doesn't mean that you have caused it or that it excuses the consequent verbal or physical abuse.

This book, by giving the non-BP some tools to maintain his or her sanity in the face of sometimes overwhelming opposition, may just be the very thing that keeps a relationship alive. These poor damaged souls are so needy, so empty, so vulnerable and so precious yet are also capable of the most aggressive, nasty, irrational and unloving behaviour - paradoxically the very sort of behaviour that drives away the love they most need. This book will help you understand the reasons for this and to maintain your own dignity in the face of the onslaught. There is some real hope contained in these pages.

Reclaiming your life and sanity when your loved one has BPD
There are many people who spend their time "walking on eggshells" around their partners - afraid of triggering unpredictable rages. Their lives are a rollercoaster with dramatic highs of passionate love, and terrible lows with rages and physical and verbal abuse. Many have no idea what hit them, why, or how to deal with it.

This book explains what BPD is, what the mechanics of the disorder are, and how to live with people with this disorder. There is also a web site, BPD central, and a e-mail support list for partners of people BPD.

I cannot thank Randi enough for writing this book. I cried while reading, because finally someone could put a name to this thing that was running my life, someone could tell me what was going on, and how to deal with it. The advice in the book is invaluable.