Listmania!
A top 20 of unwatchable films
Armageddon: Re-mastered Edition (2 Disc Set) [1998]Armageddon: Re-mastered Edition (2 Disc Set) [1998]
Buy new: £3.88 / Used from: £4.00
Mindless, unadulterated drivel. I gave it less than 15 mins before I had to leave.
Jabberwocky [1977]Jabberwocky [1977]
Buy used from: £5.49
Thank god Terry Gilliam moved on from this - I fell asleep and couldn't be bothered to watch it again.
Pearl Harbor DVD (2 Disc Set) [2001]Pearl Harbor DVD (2 Disc Set) [2001]
Buy used from: £5.99
I had a decent sleep interrupted with unnecesarily loud sound effects. A film with no redeeming qualities whatsoever.
The Day After Tomorrow - Single Disc Edition [2004]The Day After Tomorrow - Single Disc Edition [2004]
Buy new: £4.98 / Used from: £0.39
Why do I let myself be persuaded to go to watch such utter rubbish? My attention was captured for less tha 10 mins. Thank god for iPods.
Tape [2002]Tape [2002]
Buy used from: £1.29
What? I actually tried to watch it a second time thinking it had some worthy qualitites. It hadn't.
The Astronaut's Wife [1999]The Astronaut's Wife [1999]
Buy new: £4.98 / Used from: £3.16
Even the delicious pairing of Charlize Theron and Johnny Depp can't disguise this as pigswill. What were they thinking?
Saving Private Ryan [1998]Saving Private Ryan [1998]
Buy used from: £4.75
Ok, this IS a good film; but I can't STAND the opening and closing shots - the USA flag being rammed down my throat as a symbol of liberty/honour? I dont think so.
The Karate Kid/The Karate Kid Part 2/The Karate Kid Part 3 [1984]The Karate Kid/The Karate Kid Part 2/The Karate Kid Part 3 [1984]
Buy new: £34.99 / Used from: £3.50
It's bad enough that martial arts films are made in the Orient. The Holywood anti-Midas touch at its worst.
Star Wars Trilogy [1977] (REGION 1) (NTSC)Star Wars Trilogy [1977] (REGION 1) (NTSC)
Buy used from: £24.83
First seen as a 12 year old, thought it poor then. Net seen 14 years later and impressed most at my good taste in adolescence. Puerile nonsense, episodes 1-3 have zero appeal.
The Pelican Brief [1994]The Pelican Brief [1994]
Buy new: £2.98 / Used from: £1.85
Julia Roberts' limited talent at its lowest ebb. A complete sausage of a film - almost no meat, lots of fat and unwholesome scrapings held together by a transparent plot.
City Of Angels [1998]City Of Angels [1998]
Buy new: £4.97 / Used from: £3.45
Not as bad as most of the above but what could have made a quality short film. Unfortunately more time just gives more opportunity for Cage's acting to show its woodenness and Ryan to induce retching.
Titanic [1998]Titanic [1998]
Buy new: £4.98 / Used from: £2.98
Not complete rubbish, good visual effects ruined by irritating actors, infuriatingly cheesy plot, incredibly overstated score and worst of all stole the thunder of the brilliant LA Confidential.
What Dreams May Come [1998]What Dreams May Come [1998]
Buy new: £3.98 / Used from: £2.99
Whilst graphically rewarding it is spiritually void and instantly forgettable. I wish I'd had food poisoning instead, the nausea would have passed sooner.
Jingle All The Way [1996]Jingle All The Way [1996]
Buy new: £4.98 / Used from: £4.20
There had to be an Arnie film here, of course there are good ones like Twins and Predator but then there is the stuff that makes him a laughing stock. What an idiot. I watch it for less than a minute.
Independence Day [1996]Independence Day [1996]
Buy new: £4.98 / Used from: £1.90
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no no, no! America will not save the world, it's aleady destroying it from the human brain up to the Ozone layer.
The Mummy / The Mummy Returns / The Scorpion KingThe Mummy / The Mummy Returns / The Scorpion King
Buy used from: £9.74
Too frightening for 4 year olds and too infantile for anyone older. How films like this make such enormous profits is a mystery.
X-Men 1/X-Men 2: 2 disc doublepack [2003]X-Men 1/X-Men 2: 2 disc doublepack [2003]
Buy new: £8.97 / Used from: £1.20
Ditto.
The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen [2003]The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen [2003]
Buy new: £4.98 / Used from: £0.95
The League of Extraordinary banality has a new leader. Sean, Sean , Sean. You're going senile, my old friend. You still have it, don't waste it.
The Sound Of Music (2 Disc Special Edition) [1965]The Sound Of Music (2 Disc Special Edition) [1965]
Buy used from: £8.99
This could have been any musical, I just went for the most cringe-inducing one I've glimpsed for more than a few seconds. It embarrasses me that my species can "entertain" itself so.
The Tango Lesson [1997]The Tango Lesson [1997]
Buy used from: £15.76
Sally Potter proves turkeys are as much a part of British culture as American. I reckon watching turkeys dance would top this (admittedly visually impressive) steaming dunghill of self-indulgence.