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I Have a Bream

I Have a Bream
By John O'Farrell

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Isn't it always the way? You wait ages for one purple flour-filled condom and then three come along at once. Of course the correct procedure for a chemical attack in the House of Commons would have been for MPs to remain in the chamber and remove all items of clothing. I'm not sure which is the more horrific vision; anthrax all over London or Nicholas Soames slipping out of his Y-fronts while chatting to a naked Ann Widdecombe. Here at last is the third collection of John O'Farrell's immensely popular "Guardian" columns - the final part of the trilogy in which he discovers that Margaret Thatcher is actually his mother. Contained within these covers are a hundred funny, satirical essays on subjects as diverse as Man's ascent from the apes and the re-election of George W. Bush. Plus there is a full account of O'Farrell's heroic but slightly less successful attempt to capture his Tory home town for socialism. He claims that identity fraud has got so bad that an audacious impostor using the name A.L. Blair even managed to get himself a Labour Party card by posing a left-wing champion of wealth distribution and civil rights. He asks why a Blackberry isn't compatible with an Apple. And find out why the Queen didn't go to her own son's wedding; 'What happened to that other girl you were seeing?' 'Mother, we got divorced and then she died in a car crash, remember?' 'Well sometimes you have to work at these things dear...'


Product Details

  • Amazon Sales Rank: #26415 in Books
  • Published on: 2007-10-08
  • Original language: English
  • Binding: Paperback
  • 368 pages

Editorial Reviews

From the Back Cover
Isn’t it always the way? You wait ages for one purple flour-filled condom and then three come along at once. Of course the correct procedure for a chemical attack in the House of Commons would have been for MPs to remain in the chamber and remove all items of clothing. I’m not sure which is the more horrific vision: anthrax all over London or Nicholas Soames slipping out of his Y-fronts while chatting to a naked Ann Widdecombe.

Here at last is the third and final collection of Guardian columns from John O’Farrell, award-winning comedy writer and compulsive liar. In this eye-watering journey from innocence to revelation, he discovers that Margaret Thatcher is actually his mother.

Contained within these covers are a hundred funny, satirical essays on subjects as diverse as Man’s ascent from the apes and the re-election of George W. Bush. Plus there is a full account of O’Farrell’s heroic but doomed attempt to capture his Tory home town for socialism. Maidenhead has never been the same since.

He also makes a number of preposterous claims, including that identity fraud has got so bad that an audacious impostor using the name A. L. Blair even managed to get himself a Labour Party card by posing as a left-wing champion of wealth distribution and civil rights. He asks why a Blackberry isn’t compatible with an Apple. And finds out why the Queen didn’t go to her own son’s wedding: ‘What happened to that other girl you were seeing?’ ‘Mother, we got divorced and then she died in a car crash, remember?’ ‘Well, sometimes you have to work at these things, dear . . .’

About the Author
John O'Farrell is the bestselling author of three novels: The Best A Man Can Get, This is Your Life and most recently May Contain Nuts, a satire on the competitive madness of modern parenthood, which he has just passed on to his ten-year-old daughter because she really ought to be reading grown-up novels by now. He has published two previous collections of columns, Global Village Idiot and I Blame the Scapegoats, as well as the political memoir Things Can Only Get Better. He is the editor of Britain's most popular satirical website NewsBiscuit and regularly appears on TV and radio on programmes such as Have I Got News For You and Grumpy Old Men. His work has been translated into over twenty languages, although how the gags work in Norwegian is anyone's guess. His new book, An Utterly Impartial History of Britain(or 2000 Years of Upper Class Idiots In Charge), is now available from Doubleday. He lives in London with his wife and two children.


Customer Reviews

Very funny in bite size chunks!5
I bought this having loved 'An Utterly Impartial History of Britain' and though it doesn't set out to be as informative or as comprehensive - this is a very enjoyable book in a different way. Each bite size article tackles an issue that has been in the news which makes it the perfect travel companion or bedside read. I particularly enjoyed his hilarious account of standing for Parliament in his (true-blue) home town.

Enjoyable4
I enjoyed the collection of articles and some were very funny, along with an occasional groan for the rather clever puns. I did find his book Global Village Idiot, containing some of his earlier articles, better however.

Alternative Chronicle of the Blair Years4
`I Have a Bream' is the third collection of John O'Farrell's Guardian columns following on from `Global Village Idiot' and `I Blame the Scapegoats' and as before O'Farrell continues to make fun of politicians and current affairs is the same vein as he mined as the principle writer of `Spitting Image' and `Have I Got News For You'.

As ever O'Farrell hits the target every time weather comparing Tony Blair's assent to the head of the Labour Party with identity fraud or rewriting evolution from man's evolving from the ape's to going full circle with the re-election of George W. Bush.

O'Farrell has now stopped writing his Guardian column but these books stand as an alternative chronicle of Tony Blair's premiership. John O'Farrell, like a purple flour filled condom, hits the spot.