Product Details

• Amazon Sales Rank: #5640 in Books
• Published on: 1998-09
• Original language: English
• Number of items: 1
• Binding: Paperback
• 320 pages

Synopsis
Offers practical suggestions and strategies for transforming one hundred of the most common self-defeating behaviors and habits, including fear of failure, eating disorders, procrastination, and superstition.

Customer Reviews

Huh???
All I have to say is hmmmm....not at all what I thought it would be, nor for what I'd hoped. I think the term is more or less back seat driving? Very generic, fly-by ummm??? solutions?? I was very disappointed and felt it to be a near waste of money.

If a book, however nudges me wrongly - mind you, I am grateful for that. It tells me I'm still learning, no matter HOW much I disliked the book....(and any such 'snitty' remarks to counter this only proves those subscribe to these generic doc-in-a-box methodologies).

Not what I thought it was
This is a self-help guide, not a book on how to deal with others as I thought it might be. Had I known what it was about I would probably have given more stars. Certainly when dealing with people one must always start with oneself because that's usually where the problem lies - you can not control other peoples emotions or reactions, but you CAN control your own.

Beat Analysis Paralysis and Become More Content
Time-poor clients frequently ask for an easy to read guide to the analysis of self-defeating behaviours and this is one that I recommend for several reasons.

1 Lieberman is very clear about the intended audience for Instant Analysis. “Most people are almost happy. They’re so close to being the kinds of people they want to be, living the kinds of lives they want to live, yet they are stuck in a mental rut.”

2 Lieberman acknowledges the difficulties of direct introspection and concentrates on assisting the reader by “cutting away the clutter” and illuminating behaviours that have become an automatic response mechanism.

3 Lieberman has a plain and engaging writing style. The nutshell summaries are well-written and provide a good overview of the topics. The suggestions for change are simple, powerful, and (notionally) easy to implement.

The analysis of each self-defeating behaviour is in three parts:

1 A concise description of particular behaviours, attitudes, and feelings that are consistent with the troublesome automatic responses.

2 A discussion of the response that includes plausible reasons for its creation and existence.

3 Simple techniques to force awareness of a response, and suggestions for changing the behaviour.

Why Do I Enjoy Being Angry?

Issue: Enjoyment of anger and a reluctance to calm down and lose the sensation of power and vitality.

Discussion: Anger is usually a mask for fear and vulnerability. Anger can be a strong emotion that you feel in an otherwise numb existence. You may feel that no one pays attention to you unless you compel it. You may also enjoy getting angry because it makes you feel powerful.

Getting angry can alienate others and is rarely a good way to communicate effectively with them or enlist their support. It is an effective way to increase the risk for heart disease and to undermine your immune system.

Suggestions for change: Avoid inappropriate/disproportionate anger by identifying and acknowledging your feelings as they arise: what is causing the fear that underlies the anger?

Example: If you react with anger to trying situations, examine what you can do to prevent such occurrences. E.g., if your car tyres need air, top them up when you notice it, and avoid creating an avoidable drama when they blow in the middle of a journey to an important appointment.

If you rely on anger to make you feel powerful, then explore more benign ways to get the same feeling; e.g, take an advanced driver’s course. If you crave high-stakes, high-drama excitement, then a challenging sport may be a good option, such as adventure excursions, white-water rafting or mountaineering.

Lieberman recommends a five phase process for loosening the hold of self-defeating behaviours and accepting control of your life; four of the stages are succinctly described in ten pages.

Some clients dislike Instant Analysis because they assume that it offers a quick fix or is too simple to meet the needs of people who have complex lives or whose behaviours cause them (and others) significant distress. One client told me that the techniques in the book were too simple just after he had told me two stories:

1 “Obesity is a ridiculous case of self-harming. Everyone knows that they need to eat fewer calories and do more exercise. It’s that simple but no one wants to face it. They’d rather spend their time examining their relationships and blaming others. Or they’re just too lazy to do what they know needs to be done.”

2 “We’ve just had to pay out five thousand pounds to repair the water damage caused to the house by the recent leaks in the wet weather. It turned out that the gutters were blocked. It wasn’t anything major at all and it caused all that damage.”

Solutions to many issues are essentially simple and Lieberman describes them very well. The challenge to every reader is to know whether one is ready to implement them and be willing to change.