Product Description

A clear, authoritative, comprehensive and precise guide for women using the internet to meet the man of their dreams. Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider have written a book to help the millions of women trying to connect with men on the internet. There are serious mistakes women are making and these can ruin their chances of ever getting Mr. Right to the altar. These mistakes can now be easily corrected with Ellen and Sherrie's RULES FOR ONLINE DATING. With the same commonsense approach that made their first book sell 2 million copies, Ellen and Sherrie answer the questions that plague every woman who is trying to use the computer to help her lovelife: - How do I write an ad? - Should I post a picture? - How should I respond to his emails? - How should I negotiate meeting him in person? - Should I be the first to initiate a correspondence? Online dating is like a chess game: Who moves first and how long you take to make the next move can determine the course of a courtship and whether it progresses to the next level. This book provides proven strategies that will help women feel smart and secure.

Product Details

• Amazon Sales Rank: #145723 in Books
• Published on: 2003-02-03
• Original language: English
• Number of items: 1
• Binding: Paperback
• 256 pages

About the Author
Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider met 15 years ago, and have been formulating and formatting their rules for dating since then. The first book, THE RULES, was highly successful and spawned several spin-offs, adaptations, and parodies, written by other authors.

Customer Reviews

Some good advice
Before I read this I did some (basic) research on on-line dating profiles. Some of the phrases I saw when scanning female profiles were:

`Are there any good men left out there?'
`I have been really hurt in the past and don't trust easily'
`I want to meet a man who will be my soul mate, who will hold my hand, connect with me in every way, and look deep into my heart'

After reading the first chapters in this book I realised that some of the advice in this book would be valuable to a lot of women. Instead of writing stuff that sounds too cynical, deep, self-pitying, or too much like the blurb from a self-help book, it would be much better if women used short sentences and sounded confident and happy. If you were out and about and a man came up to chat, you wouldn't start telling him about your difficult divorce or that you find it hard to `let go' in a relationship. Instead you'd be light-hearted and bright - so why should it be any different online? The strict advice about not getting carried away with e-mail and instant messages also sounded good - I know about a few people who spend their lives instant messaging and trawling chat rooms - they don't have time for anything else and mostly never end up meeting their online buddies!

The bad points about this book are broadly the same ones that I made about The Rules (a book the same authors wrote for dating in general). The authors constantly blame the fact that a woman `broke the Rules' (in however small a way) as the reason why her relationship ended. For example, they describe relationships that end when a woman e-mails a guy back before the regulation 24 hours are up or when she accepts dates for Saturday on Thursday (you're supposed to be asked by Wednesday), or sends a `thank you' e-mail after a lovely date. In my opinion if a man really likes you, he will be pleased that you e-mail him back quickly sometimes, accept some spontaneous dates and so on. Of course, you cannot behave this way all the time, but on some occasions this is appropriate. I believe that sometimes men are just NOT the right guy for you - yes, you could follow all the Rules and end up married to him (because he's the kind of guy who likes that you hardly expect any attention and never initiate things) but you'll be unhappy in the long run. You need to combine some sensible Rules behaviour with the ability to be yourself and initiate a few e- exchanges to see whether he runs for the hills or respects you as an equal and not an animal to chase after.

The second problem is that the authors seem to encourage women to become dependant on the Rules and their advice. Here is a quote from the book, p.162: `Julie is a true-blue Rules girl. She reads the books regularly, even highlights them, and she doesn't make a move without first consulting us or a Rules contact'. Does this sound normal to you? This woman is so scared of making a `wrong move' that she has to pay the authors for consultations and ask other Rules women what to do. This woman clearly is scared of failure and has low self-esteem. She needs to get some confidence and trust herself, rather than relying on a prescribed list of what and what not to do. Dependency is not good. Imagine you discovered after you were married that your wife consulted with a dozen people before every e-mail and date to make sure she `behaved' in the right way. I'm sure you'd be shocked and freak out, to say the least.

Overall the book has some good advice. I think that Rules behaviour is more appropriate for online dating because you could spend hours e-mailing and discussing your private thoughts and yet never meeting the guy you're telling everything to. Questions such as `what are your long-term goals?' and `tell me everything about your job...' are not appropriate when you haven't (and may never) meet your pen pal. As we all know, someone may look good on paper but there may be zero chemistry and he might be nothing like his `sensitive' and `romantic' e-mails.

JoAnne

A great map for a journey into the unknown
I found this book a great guide when I bravely had a go with online dating. I still wasn't used to using the internet and was terrified people I knew would see me online etc (how embarrassing)! I had other fears - what if some wierd stalker found out where I lived and what about the TV documentary about men who 'groom' older women online for weekends of casual sex!

This book took me my the hand and led me through the shark infested waters. It taught me how to present myself and to screen out 'Mr Wrong', how to avoid time wasters etc. There are lots of lovely people out there just like me who just want to meet - and I'd say that online is actually better than other methods I've observed in my time (since the seventies anyway)! It's a comfort to know in advance if the guy has/wants children etc - it can take forever to get down the the nitty gritty otherwise.

I did as I was told for a long time - then I bent the rules a bit!!!! Instead of passively waiting for e-mails I decided to get a bit more proactive and 'introduce myself' to men to get their attention - after that I went back into strict rules mode. This speeded things up a bit and Mr Right popped along!

There is a rule about not responding to an e-mail within 24 hours. This was easy and then I realised to my horror that the other person can see if his message has been read (I had always read it instantly)! This confused one guy a bit who thought I hadn't been honest (there is some truth in that I suppose) so check this or log on every other day........

Good luck and may The Rules go with you - you will need the other book now (The Rules) to know what to do with him when you've got him - until you bend them anyway!

The rules for dating online.
This is basically the Rules applied to online dating. It's got much of the same info as the normal rules book, with new info thrown in for good measure. If you're unsure about to proceed with online dating, get this one. It's timeless. Another good dating book: How To Be Wanted: Use the Law of Attraction to Date the Man You Most Desire and Live the Life You Deserve.