Product Description

"I'm Celibate...Get Me Out of Here!" tells a wickedly humorous and compulsive story of modern dating that will make you cringe and cry with laughter in equal measure. Jo typifies the vast number of busy, independent-minded, thirty-something women, who are impatiently hunting for their dream partner. Having explored all the traditional avenues for meeting her ideal man, with much trepidation Jo takes a reluctant peek at a dating website. "That's for freaks and weirdos" she cries before plunging in and e-registering. Jo's rollercoaster dating ride takes her through a never-ending succession of encounters with dysfunctional and deluded men who lie about everything (especially their height), advertise themselves with fake pictures and use names, such as BigCock4U, Personal_Slave and want-a-baby. She endures dull dates failing to live up to her fantasies, bizarre requests involving handcuffs and custard pies and the realisation that she has fallen in love with someone over the keyboard, without ever having actually met them. Then there's the angry wife she didn't know existed, who has chanced upon her errant husband's emails...Even when Jo changes tactics and embarks upon a speed-dating session, she meets a charmer who tells her that twenty dates in one night is a bargain not to be scoffed at and saves him at least 'seventy sheets'. Amongst this smorgasbord of fraudulent and often desperate people there are some decent blokes, but none, it appears, are right for Jo. Is it possible to meet someone suitable via the internet? Jo is forced to confront her unforeseen naivety as she realizes that things are never as straightforward as they seem. She has to learn to understand what it is she really wants. "Incredibly I'm Celibate...Get Me Out of Here!" is a hilarious true story. Every single dating adventure and disaster really did happen. The author has merely changed the names of all those concerned to protect the guilty! Written with devilish wit for the generation who have grown out of all those schmaltzy "Bridget Jones" love stories, "I'm Celibate...Get Me Out of Here!" delivers a uniquely female take on the way modern lovers meet - or don't.

Product Details

• Amazon Sales Rank: #230515 in Books
• Published on: 2006-05-04
• Original language: English
• Binding: Paperback
• 304 pages

Review
This book is witty, fast-paced and highly entertaining. You really feel the rollercoaster sense that is associated with the search for Mr Right - at the end of the day we're all either doing it or have done it. The anecdotes are hugely amusing at times, but Elliott never feels the need to be downright rude about any of the men she came across. --Trashionista.com

From the Author
I didn't set out to write a book when I started internet dating, but my friends were often on the floor with laughter when I told them about some of the emails I'd received and the dates I'd been on. So I started to document my encounters and eventually I had to laugh, otherwise I'd cry. I then realised I'd be doing the rest of the world a diservice if I didn't share the amusement.
You do need a sense of humour to embark into the world of online dating, and indeed to enjoy this book. I hope the lack of a schmaltzy perfect ending inspires the millions of single people out there.

About the Author
Jo Elliott was born in Hertfordshire in 1969 and grew up in rural Northamptonshire. Shortly after graduating from art college she embarked on a round the world trip, before returning to London where she’s lived ever since. She works in advertising and lives in the London borough of Wandsworth.

Customer Reviews

Not just a book for the girls in your life
I borrowed my girlfriend's copy when I thought she had finished. It turned into a tug of war trying to finish it first so we had to go and buy another copy to avoid a major barney. Top fun and makes you wonder how us guys think we'll ever be able to meet a nice girl when we really don't make it easy for ourselves in the first place! Buy this book - I recommend it if you're after a good belly laugh and a severe cringe factor from 95% of the book's inhabitants. They sadly exist!

An enjoyable read
This book is very easy to read and there are many parts that make you laugh out loud. I have had internet dating experience - and it made me feel a whole load better to find that it wasn't just me who's experienced the stange email messages and laughed at the pictures attached.

The author's writing style is very matter of fact - and knowing that these are real experiences makes them even more amusing.

Finding a partner is hard work in this modern world. I hope that she has now met someone who wears decent shoes, makes her happy in the real world and is able to leave the search for cyber love behind. Let's face it, it isn't as if she hasn't given it a go!

This summer's laugh out loud read
This book was recommended to me by a woman's magazine and it didn't disappoint. Full of quirky, strange online situations involving a shed load of internet freaks, this is surely a cautionary tale for all would be Juliets. Jo Elliott writes in a witty, pithy style and underpins the various dates with a nice line in put-downs. This book is laugh out loud funny and is a perfect companion to a comfortable sun lounger, a long drink and plenty of sunscreen - enjoy!