Product Description

Designed to accompany Boundaries with Kids, this workbook takes you step by step toward helping your children take control of their lives by learning boundaries.

Product Details

• Amazon Sales Rank: #45931 in Books
• Published on: 2001-11-01
• Original language: English
• Number of items: 1
• Binding: Paperback
• 224 pages

From the Back Cover
Keys for establishing healthy boundaries--the bedrock of good relationships, maturity, safety, and growth for children and adults

To help their children grow into healthy adults, parents need to teach them how to take responsibility for their behavior, their values, and their lives. The authors of the Gold Medallion Award-winning book Boundaries bring their biblically based principles to bear on the challenging task of child rearing, showing parents:
* how to bring control to an out-of-control family life
* how to set limits and still be loving parents
* how to define legitimate boundaries for the family
* how to instill in children a godly character

About the Author
Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend are popular speakers, and cohosts of the nationally broadcast New Life Live! radio program. They are best-selling coauthors of several books, including Boundaries with Kids, The Mom Factor, Safe People, Twelve "Christian" Beliefs That Can Drive You Crazy, and the Gold Medallion Award-winning Boundaries.;Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend are popular speakers, and cohosts of the nationally broadcast New Life Live! radio program. They are best-selling coauthors of several books, including Boundaries with Kids, The Mom Factor, Safe People, Twelve "Christian" Beliefs That Can Drive You Crazy, and the Gold Medallion Award-winning Boundaries.

Excerpted from Boundaries with Children Workbook by Cloud. Copyright © 1998. Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.
Chapter 1
The Future Is Now
• I (Dr. Cloud) was surprised to find Allison cleaning her fourteen-year-old son’s room. When I said, "I just feel sorry for Cameron’s future wife," Allison straightened up, froze for a moment, and then hurried from the room. After a few moments, she looked at me and said, "I’ve never thought about it that way."
— In what ways might you, like Allison, be parenting in the present without thinking about the future?
— What can you do to keep an eye on the future?
• A person’s character is one’s destiny. A person’s character (his abilities and inabilities, his moral makeup, his functioning in relationships, and how he does tasks) largely determines how he will function in life (whether he does well in love and in work).
— Look in the mirror. How has your character — your strengths as well as your weaknesses — determined how you have functioned in life? In love? In work?
— What are some of the character strengths and weaknesses you already see in your children?
• If a person’s character makeup determines his future, then child rearing is primarily about helping children to develop character that will take them through life safely, securely, productively, and joyfully. A major goal of raising children is to help them develop the character that will make their future go well.
— What character traits have served you well in your adult years? What do you remember your parents and other significant adults doing to encourage those traits?
— Had they been strengthened as you were growing up, what character traits would have benefited you in your adult years? What are you doing to strengthen those traits now?
• What wake-up call does Allison’s experience offer you? As you consider your child’s future, what element of your parenting (if any) do you now recognize as sowing seeds for character weakness?
The future is now. When you are a parent, you help create a child’s future. The patterns children establish early in life (their character) they will live out later. And character is always formed in relationship. We can’t overestimate your role in developing this character. As Proverbs says, "Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it" (22:6).
Preventive Medicine (page 16)*
• From our own experience and that of our audiences and readers, one thing became obvious to us. Adults with boundary problems had not developed those problems as grownups. They had learned patterns early in life and then continued those out-of-control patterns in their adult lives, where the stakes were higher.
— Review the list of boundary problems found on pages 16 – 17. Which of them, if any, have been problems for you during your adult years?
— What seeds for these out-of-control patterns in your adult life do you see as you look back on your childhood?
• Parents began to ask for this book. They knew the pain they had been through and did not want their children to go through the same kind of learning curve. Basically, they wanted answers to three questions.
1. How do I teach boundaries to children?
2. How do I enforce my own boundaries with my children in appropriate ways?
3. How can I ensure that my children will not have the problems with boundaries that I have had?
— Which of these three questions states your greatest concern?
— What other questions, if any, do you hope to have answered by Boundaries with Kids?
We want to help you answer your questions and help your children develop the character that will lead them into the life that God created them to have.
Children Are Not Born with Boundaries (page 17)
A boundary is a "property line" that defines a person; it defines where one person ends and someone else begins. If we know where a person’s boundaries are, we know what we can expect this person to take control of: himself or herself. We can require responsibility in regard to feelings, behaviors, and attitudes.
• A child needs to know where she begins, what she needs to take responsibility for, and what she does not need to take responsibility for. If she grows up in relationships where she is confused about her own boundaries (what she is responsible for) and about others’ boundaries (what they are responsible for), she does not develop the self-control that will enable her to steer through life successfully.
— What relationships during your childhood, if any, caused you confusion about your boundaries, and what you were really responsible for?
— What relationships, if any, in your children’s life might be causing them confusion about their boundaries and about what they are really responsible for?
• Children internalize boundaries from external relationships and discipline. In order for children to learn who they are and what they are responsible for, their parents have to have clear boundaries with them and relate to them in ways that help them learn their own boundaries.
— What might your child be learning about boundaries from their significant external relationships? From the kinds of discipline they receive?
— How clear are your boundaries? Chapter 3 — "Kids Need Parents with Boundaries" — will help, but the Boundaries book and workbook would be a great help, too.
When boundaries are clear, children develop a well-defined sense of who they are and what they are responsible for; the ability to choose; the understanding that if they choose well, things will go well and if they choose poorly, they will suffer; and the possibility of true love based in freedom. Self-control, responsibility, freedom, and love — what could be a better outcome of parenting than that?

Customer Reviews

All I can say is WOW...
I'm able to find something I heartily disagree with in every childcare or child discipline book I read. Even in my favorites. But I thought my head was going to fall off I nodded so hard while reading this book. I used to hedge daily on discipline worrying I was "hurting" my kids too much when I had to enforce loss of privileges. This book made me see that all consequences are painful...they are supposed to be. But painful and harmful are not the same thing. Just because my child is temporarily unhappy, that doesn't mean she is permanently scarred. All growth is painful. The flip side to the advice is you should balance your enforcement of consequences with empathy, affection, and support. You are neither your child's enemy nor his friend. You are his parent.

I was able to immediately put the good advice to use right away and my family is so much more peaceful! Boundaries really are good for building character, increasing empathy, and as converse as it may sound, strengthening the relationship between you and your children. The authors are both psychotherapists and devout Christians. I thought the Christian bent might annoy me but the scriptures quoted were used sparingly and only enhanced the eloquence and relevance of the text.

I wholeheartedly recommend this book to friends and relatives, Christian and secular. Buy this book and you will walk around thinking "I know which boundaries HIS/HER parents didn't enforce as a child." What an enlightening book!

Thought-provoking
This book is about teaching your kids to take responsibility for their actions, and to respect other people. The message is that learning this can be painful for kids, but that you, as the parent, need to teach them these lessons. The book argues that it is better to calmly and clearly tell your child what you expect from them, and what will happen if they choose not to do this, rather than to nag them, or get angry with them, or let them get away with unacceptable behaviour. So, for example, a child who is rude to his/her parents might be 'grounded' and not allowed to be with his/her friends until he/she can demonstrate they can behave in a more sociable manner. Or a child who doesn't do his/her household chores won't get any pocket money. Or a child who interrupts will get ignored.
The concept is a simple one, but if, like me, you have a tendency to want to 'make everything OK' for your kids, it is a good reminder that parenting isn't a popularity contest, and that sometimes the best thing you can do for your children is to let them feel the consequences of their own actions, even if that hurts them.
Personally, I didn't like the style of the book - the authors are Christians, the book has many references to the bible, and is very 'clean-cut American' (for want of a better way of describing it). But I felt that the messages are valuable to anyone, of any religion or background. I haven't read the authors' other book (Boundaries) but the book also challenged my own behaviour, attitudes and motivation. I would say it is well worth a read, especially if (like me!) you are inclined to be a bit soft on your kids.

Helps you to help your kids set guideslines for their life.
This is the book you wish your parents had! But you can start today, with your own children. The authors first Boundaries book is my "best" book. It helped me tremenoudly with my own life. And from quality people, here is another book to help you help your kids set the best boundaries for their own life. We can't to it for them, they will make their own mistakes. But we can show them what good decision-making does and allow them to have consequences for their decisions. I can't say enough about this book. I wish I had found it years ago when my oldest two sons were children. You will really equip yourself with this book to be a loving, effective parent.