Product Description

Seldom has the gap between national expectation and actual achievement been so wide as in the case of England's hapless football team..."Don't Mention the Score" is the tragic-comic story of how one small nation tried and failed to dominate world football. Littered with fouls, sendings-off, and more than a handful of off-the-ball incidents, "Don't Mention the Score" is a hilarious and often exasperating journey through England's 135-year history of footballing underachievement. It features a cast of cheating Argentinians, phenomenally boring but metronomically reliable Germans, and dreamily gifted Brazilians - all of them itching to hand out a technical masterclass in one-touch football to the recreation-ground clodhoppers of Olde Englande...In November 1872 England played Scotland in Glasgow in the world's first official international football match. The game ended in a 0-0 draw. Home internationals excepted, England remained haughtily aloof from international football for decades. When they finally deigned to compete in a World Cup they were stuffed one-nil by ...the USA.Four years later, in a match described by one England player as 'like playing people from Outer Space', they were beaten 6-3 by Hungary. In 1966 a Soviet linesman who'd had it in for the Hun ever since he copped a bullet at Stalingrad took pity on England and helped them win the World Cup. But since then it has been downhill all the way. In the rumbustious style of his bestselling "Stiff Upper Lips and Baggy Green Caps", Simon Briggs charts England football's rare highs and all-too-frequent lows. Embellished with some 75 black-and-white photographs, and incorporating more than 100 of the wittiest and most wounding quotations about footballers past and present, "Don't Mention the Score" is the perfect gift for any football fan, from eighteen to eighty.

Product Details

• Amazon Sales Rank: #134426 in Books
• Published on: 2008-10-16
• Original language: English
• Binding: Hardcover
• 288 pages

Review
- irreverent, often hilarious - Sunday Times. Simon Briggs's lightness of touch, intrinsic humour and gift for the telling detail make this an engaging read - Sunday Telegraph. splendid - a jovially airy trawl through the exasperating life of England's national team - Frank Keating, Guardian. witty but also deals with issues - Sunday Telegraph. A light-hearted but highly intelligent history of the English football team - Sunday Express. - a rip-roaring look at the trials and tribulations of the England football team - Sport. - a good read - Every chapter is filled with authoritative, well-researched and humorous accounts - Irish Examiner.

From the Inside Flap
Seldom has the gap between national expectation and actual achievement been so wide as in the case of England's hapless football team... Don't Mention the Score is the tragicomic story of how one small nation tried and failed to dominate world football.
Littered with red cards, missed penalties, and more than a handful of off-the-ball incidents, Don't Mention the Score is a hilarious and often exasperating journey through England's 136-year history of footballing underachievement. It features a case of slippery Argentinians, dull but reliable Germans, and dreamily gifted Brazilians - all of them itching to hand out a technical masterclass in one-touch football to the recreation-ground clodhoppers of Olde Englande...
In the rumbustious style of his bestselling Stiff Upper Lips and Baggy Green Caps, Simon Briggs charts England football's rare highs and all-too-frequent lows. Embellished with some 50 black-and-white photographs, and incorporating more than 100 of the wittiest and most wounding quotations about England and England footballers past and present, Don't Mention the Score is the perfect gift for any football fan, from eighteen to eighty.

From the Back Cover
A rip-roaring history of the trials, travails and all-to-infrequent triumphs of the England football team.
"The Scottish defeat was by no means unexpected, but to be beaten by Wales; this is, indeed, decadence." Press report after England suffered a 5-3 defeat by Wales at Wrexham, March 1882.
"Yurrrgggggh!!!! Der stod Ingelland!!! Lord Nelson!!! Lord Beaverbrook!!! Winston Churchill!!! Henry Cooper!!! Clement Attlee!!! Anthony Eden!!! Lady Diana!!! Der stod dem all!!! Der stod dem all!!! Maggie Thatcher, can you hear me? Can you hear me, Maggie? Your boys took one hell of a beating tonight!!!" Bjorge Lillelien, Norwegian commentator, is transported by the scoreline Norway 2, England 1, 1981.
"When I played I always loved to go out against English teams because they always gave you the ball back if you lost it. They still do." Johan Cruuff, former Ajax and Netherlands captain, 1998.
"Football is a very simple game. For 90 minutes 22 men go running after the ball - and at the end the Germans win." Gary Lineker.

Customer Reviews

At last - an honest appraisal!
Instead of the claptrap that the tabloid papers print before and after every England game - Briggs takes a sensible look at what has made the England team the highly skilled yet immensely unpredictable outfit that it is today. Full of anecdotes - many of which you may know - many of which you've never heard and a load that you had forgotten - it is meticulously researched (as you'd expect from a Telegraph journalist) and proof that Briggs (a cricket correspondent) can turn his hand to other sports as well. If you have ever waved a red and white ensign during the european or world cup - make sure you know why you're supporting them by reading this book!

Hugely quotable and entertaining history of the England football team .
Arguably (at least with myself ) the most quotable book I have read Don't Mention The Score is not only a fascinating and informative history of the England football team it is also ,thanks to the rich source of quotes ,extremely entertaining and at time laugh out loud funny. How can one not laugh at the following comment made by Bert Sprotson England's full back for their infamous 1938 match against Germany in Berlin where the England team , under pressure from FA secretary Stanley Rous, gave a Nazi salute: "All I know is football .But t,way I see it yon ,Itler fella is an evil little ****".Spot on .If only Neville Chamberlin had have had his insight.
The book whizzes from the nascent days of English in 1872 where they played without net's , didn't have penalty's and basically all ran after the ball like the players in that old Harry Enfield sketch to the modern day where they do have nets and penalty's and all run around after the largest pay cheque. . The narrative takes in forgotten figures of the game like coach Jimmy Hogan who hailed from Burnley and with typical obtuseness was ignored by his home country and had to ply his trade overseas where his innovative technical coaching helped teams like Austria move the game forward with players like Matthias Sindelar ,the finest footballer of his generation.
It's also a timely reminder that England has had some truly great players who don't get the credit they deserve in an era when defenders who cant, defend (Glen Johnson) , midfielders who couldn't tackle a concrete bollard (Paul Scholes) and wingers who couldn't cross a beach ball (Sean Wright Phillips) waltz ( or in Scholes case waltzed) into the England side. Don't, get me started on Frank Lampard in an England shirt either. Stan Cullis, Joe Mercer, Stab Mortensen Wilf Mannion , Vivian Woodward ( 29 goals in 23 games ) Len Shackleton - the names just trip off the tongue , or they will if you read this book.
Taking in the shock result of the century a 1-0 defeat to the U.S.A.in the 1950 World Cup , a competition they really didn't take too seriously until 1958 when they were cruelly robbed of some of their best players by the Munich air disaster the book rattles rather too quickly it must be said up to the appointment of Fabio Cappelo ("Like replacing Captain Mainwaring with Field Marshall Montgomery" said England fans figurehead Mark Perry after Capello replaced "The Wally with the brolly " Steve McClaren-or "McCladridge " if you are Martin Edwards ). There is also the 6-3 mauling by the Puskas inspired Hungary and a 5- 1 loss to ahem Scotland (1928) to reflect on as well .
Simon Briggs expertly skewers the failings of Graham Taylor ( whose documentary on his time as England Manager Do I Not Like That - The Final Chapter [1994] [VHS] should be released on DVD as a matter of urgency ) Kevin Keegan ,Glenn Hoddle and Sven Goran Erikson who has a decent record as England Manger ,though it doesn't live up to his record as a lothario ( "he is what John Major would be if he swallowed a bucketful of Viagra" ) but is best summed up by Gareth Southgate "When we wanted Winston Churchill , we got Ian Duncan Smith ".Even cuddly Ron Greenwood and Alf Ramsey aren't immune ,though Alf Ramsey won the World cup in 1966.That's in the book too.
It's hard work being an England supporter . The lamentable performances , the square peg in round holes selection policy , the inability to retain possession , the penalty shoot outs. Perhaps the most damming incitement of England though comes in a small insert section on Phil Neville . This industrious but limited clogger and arch fouler of Romanians has won more England caps ( 59) than Jimmy Greaves, Paul Gascoigne ,Glenn Hoddle ( flawed manager but a great player ) Johnny Haynes , Frank Worthington ,Vivian Woodward and well.....the list could go on. Still ,as ever we can retain some moral superioty over our more clandestine opponents , who to paraphrase C. B Fry can "Behave like cads of the most unscrupulous kidney " They can handle , dive and wink while we Rooney like , resort to a wholly obvious kick in the goolies .There is a telling metaphor in there somewhere.