Product Description

In the bestselling tradition of The Emotionally Abused Woman

"A good, solid treatment of an insidious but all–too–common type of relationship. . . . Engel doesn’t just describe–she shows us the way out."–Susan Forward, PhD, author of Emotional Blackmail

Emotional abuse is a major epidemic in our culture. In this prescriptive book, Beverly Engel identifies the types of emotionally abusive behavior, providing strategies to help those who are being abused to confront their partners and begin making the necessary changes that will transform their relationships. She also shows emotionally abusive people how to stop abusing and offers help to couples who have slipped into a mutually unhealthy style of interacting.

Beverly Engel (Los Osos, CA) is the author of twelve nonfiction books and has been a psychotherapist for over 25 years. She conducts professional training programs and has appeared on many national television shows, including Oprah, Donahue, Ricki Lake, and CNN. Her books include Loving Him Without Losing Him (0–471–40979–0) and The Power of Apology (0–471–21892–8), which was a finalist in the Books for a Better Life Awards competition.

Product Details

• Amazon Sales Rank: #168347 in Books
• Published on: 2002-09-24
• Original language: English
• Number of items: 1
• Binding: Hardcover
• 272 pages

Review
"...important read for those who suspect that their relationship has entered abusive territory, this book is highly recommended." (Library Journal, September 15, 2002)

From the Inside Flap
Emotional abuse is the least understood form of abuse. The number of people who are emotional abusers or who become involved with partners who abuse them emotionally is phenomenal. In this breakthrough book, Beverly Engel, one of the world’s leading experts on emotional abuse, shows us how to stop the cycle of abuse.

Engel’s work in the field has helped her gain a great deal of insight and empathy for both the victim and the abuser. The Emotionally Abusive Relationship shows emotionally abused people how to help themselves, as well as showing emotionally abusive people how to stop abusing. Engel covers all aspects of emotional abuse, including the patterns that begin in childhood, teaching us how to identify and understand emotional abuse. This prescriptive book combines dramatic personal stories with action steps to heal. Focusing on the dynamics of an emotionally abusive relationship, Engel provides strategies that will allow partners to work together to resolve their issues and stop the abuse. Her step–by–step program provides the skills needed to:

• Spot the warning signs that a partner is a potential abuser
• Establish firmer boundaries and develop a stronger sense of self
• Cope with the anger, stress, and insecurities that propel abuse
• Confront the abuser when he or she becomes abusive
• Stop blaming and start taking responsibility
• Determine whether or not the relationship is worth saving
• Prevent emotional abuse in the future

Engel also includes pertinent information on borderline personality disorder and its effects, as well as a section offering partners of individuals with BPD strategies for dealing with the types of emotional abuse they are likely to experience.

If you’re being abused, if you’re the abusive partner, or if you’re part of a couple who is abusing one another, this book can help you. The Emotionally Abusive Relationship offers the expert guidance and support you need to stop the abuse now–and start getting the help your relationship needs.

From the Back Cover
PRAISE FOR the emotionally abusive relationship

"A good, solid treatment of an insidious but all–too–common type of relationship in which the weapons are words and moods rather than the fist, but which do just as much damage. Most importantly, Ms. Engel doesn’t just describe–she shows us the way out."
–Susan Forward, Ph.D., author of Emotional Blackmail

"In this book, Beverly Engel clearly and with caring offers step–by–step strategies to stop emotional abuse. She explores the dynamics of emotional abuse, helping both victims and abusers to identify the patterns of this painful and traumatic type of abuse. This book is a guide both for individuals and for couples stuck in the tragic patterns of emotional abuse."
–Marti Loring, Ph.D., author of Emotional Abuse and coeditor of The Journal of Emotional Abuse

"This groundbreaking book succeeds in helping people stop emotional abuse by focusing on both the abuser and the abused and showing each party what emotional abuse is, how it affects the relationship, and how to stop it. Its unique focus on the dynamic relationship makes it more likely that each person will grasp the tools for change and really use them."
–Randi Kreger, author of The Stop Walking on Eggshells Workbook and owner of BPDCentral.com

"This is a must read for anyone who identifies with being emotionally abused or emotionally abusive. Beverly Engel not only offers a detailed description of the components of emotional abuse, she goes on to offer practical suggestions for healing both for individuals and for couples."
–Steven Farmer, Ph.D., author of Adult Children of Abusive Parents and Sacred Ceremony

PRAISE FOR BEVERLY ENGEL’S OTHER BOOKS

For The Power of Apology

"Important insights on healing the past with new perspectives on apology."
–Gerald G. Jampolsky, M.D., author of Forgiveness: The Greatest Healer of All and Love Is Letting Go of Fear

For Loving Him without Losing You

"Loving Him without Losing You is a powerful and practical guide to relationships that every woman should read!"
–Barbara De Angelis, Ph.D., author of Secrets About Life
Every Woman Should Know and Are You the One For Me?

Customer Reviews

Precious love-saving guide for partners and ex-partners
A lovely book. Engel comes from love and empathy for abusers and abusees alike and is wonderfully free of judgements. A moving, highly readable and deeply usable guide to how to recognise and then stop patterns of abuse when we are in the habit of giving or receiving it. An inspiring read, and manual, for counsellors and a potential lifesaver for human happiness for everyone from the multiply divorced to the person who's just shouted at their partner for the first time ever. But not for those who believe abusees are victims (poor me)and abusers are monsters: Engel holds that blame benefits no-one and everyone, if willing, can grow and learn new, loving, abuse-free habits that esteem both themself and their partner. Written in wonderfully plain jargon-free English (except that she refers to "borderline personality disorder").

Engel defines emotional abuse as "any non-physical behaviour designed to control, intimidate, subjugate, demean, punish or isolate another person" i.e. everything from blaming to sulking, demands to insults, domineering to overinquisitiveness. [So if you've lived with someone for more than a month and never ever given or received emotional abuse, click here for your halo:-)]

Beverly focuses on emotional abuse but but her techniques could be equally transformative for people who give or receive physical, sexual or verbal abuse. Similarly, the book is all about lifepartners but can be adapted to other close relationships e.g. parent/step-parent to adult child.

highly recommended; very clearly written
I can't recommend this enough. Packed with clearly presented information, easy to read, clear exercises, plus she herself was abusive and worked through it, so is completely speaking from a place of real informed balance and empathy.