Product Details

• Amazon Sales Rank: #67303 in Books
• Published on: 2008-05-01
• Original language: English
• Number of items: 1
• Binding: Paperback
• 250 pages

Synopsis
Being a parent is usually all about giving of yourself to foster your child's growth and development. But what happens when this isn't the case? Some parents dismiss the needs of their children, asserting their own instead, demanding attention and reassurance from even very young children. This may especially be the case when a parent has narcissistic tendencies or narcissistic personality disorder. From the author of "Working with the Self-Absorbed and Loving the Self-Absorbed", this major revision of a self-help classic offers readers a step-by-step approach to resolving conflict and building a meaningful relationship with a narcissistic parent."Children of the Self-Absorbed, Second Edition", offers clear definitions of narcissism and narcissistic personality disorder to help readers identify the extent of their parent's problem. Readers learn the different types of destructive narcissism and how to recognize their effects on relationships. With the aid of proven techniques, readers are assured that they are not helpless against their parent's behavior, and that they needn't consider giving up on the relationship.

Instead, realistic strategies and steps are suggested for learning to set mutually agreed upon behaviors that can help fulfill the needs and expectations of both readers and their parents.

Customer Reviews

A bit simplistic and disappointing
With both my parents fitting the narcissism profile, I was eager to read this book as it was billed as being one of the best. The first two or three chapters, on how to recognise narcissistic behaviour and the reactions that narcissism tends to provoke in other people, were really excellent, but the rest of the book I found pretty disappointing.

The author has some frankly bizarre ideas about what empathy is (which is a bit worrying, considering she's supposed to be a therapist!). The "how to empathise" section tells you to pick a feeling (any feeling) that you yourself might feel in someone else's place, and then state to that person "You are feeling ...". The example she gives is that of a student asking "Should we study for the test?", and the teacher responding, "You are feeling overwhelmed and you have too much to do to study for the test". This isn't empathy, it's projection of one person's feelings onto another! Empathy is the ability to find out and respect what another person actually does feel, regardless of whether you yourself would feel that way in their place (e.g. actually asking a student whether they feel overwhelmed, not just grandly stating that this is what they feel!)

Also I found the exercises in the book a bit simplistic. This would be a good book for anyone just looking for ways to "keep the peace" with an N-parent, but for insight and healing I'd really recommend "When You And Your Mother Can't Be Friends" by Victoria Secunda instead.

Helpful
I liked this book more than some others on the subject as it dealt with aspects of self-development and the future, rather than just helping to identify the problem. Before reading it, I had reached the decision that I would never see my parents again but I can now see several ways to deal with their behaviour if I meet them at family events. This can be useful if you want to continue to have a relationship with other family members who don't realise that there is a problem.

Children of the Self Absorbed
At the age of 41 and after much self-examination I finally have answers to so many questions I have had for so many years. This book has helped me more than any other I have read to put my life into perspective and explain who I am, where I have come from and what has made me the person I am from a psychological perspective. As the daughter of a narcissistic mother I feel I finally have the insight I need to address some of the most challenging and difficult aspects of my life. In this book almost every paragraph spoke volumes to me and explained so much of my past life. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. In the next edition please explain how same sex and different sex relationships between parents and children may alter the impact of the DNP.
A Reader, UK