Product Description

Learn how to 'break the spell' of control with Patricia Evans' new bestseller. Already hailed by Oprah Winfrey, Controlling People deals with issues big and small - revealing the thought processes of those who seek to control in order to provide a 'spell-breaking' mind-set for those who suffer this insidious manipulation. Invaluable insight and advice for those who seek support.

Product Details

• Amazon Sales Rank: #29836 in Books
• Published on: 2001-04-20
• Original language: English
• Number of items: 1
• Binding: Paperback
• 352 pages

Review
"...the most important thing is to realize that you don't deserve to be treated that way."-Oprah Winfrey (advance praise for Controlling People); "A groundbreaking new book."-Newsweek

Customer Reviews

But Please Balance the books!
This book is has given me many useful insights into the whys and hows of emotionally abusive behaviour. The other reviewers here have effectively listed it's many plus points.

However, the title says "How to Recognize, Understand and *Deal* with People Who Try to Control You

I had hoped for more concrete methods described in the dealing with controllers aspect. The book's concluding chapters seemed to me to consist of many quotes from people congratulating either themselves or Evans on having 'broken the spell'. I found it hard to distil firm techniques that would help me practice spellbreaking. The abuse I witness is very subtle and hard to pin down and confront in the workplace and the methods mentioned seem to me best suited for "In your face" abuse.

Finally so many books and websites on abuse and bullying are overtly gender biased and Patricia Evan's book is no exception. I think a better balanced insight could have been gained from illustrating the patterns of control and abuse with more examples of people abused by female partners or colleagues. When the "typical" gender dynamic is reversed it really does highlight the power and recurring pattern of controlling abusive behaviour.

The path to becoming an abuser is not a "Man thing". It can flow from mother to daughter from wife to husband, even employee to boss! Being a target of abuse is not the female prerogative.
Myself, my father, my partner and her father, have all been the objects of "control connections" from spellbound women and those women in turn were the victims of maternal abuse and neglect.

I feel the book's bias is disingenous because I would have thought it more empowering to recognise and emphasise that abusive behaviour is not gender specific but that it is simply it's own self-perpetuating legacy. More examples of female to male or same gender incidents could've illustrated her points as well as, if not better than the limited spectrum of "typical" abusive relationships she presents.

Also many men, my father included, remain in denial (spellbound) about their situation. This is a good book but it's predominately female perspective still allows him to say "This doesn't apply to me" or worse "It *is* my fault - I'm the abuser!"


Despite these misgivings I will still be recommending "Controlling people" to friends and relatives who have found themselves in the thrall of "spellbound" behaviour.

Clearing out the pretense
An exceptional book. A good analysis of the mechanisms of control and abuse, and "how to break the spell" I have been subject to verbal, emotional and mental abuse in a past relationship. This book helped me understand what was wrong then, and also why my current relationship works so well. However, the theory has much deeper application than is discussed. Many forms of mental illness and personality disorder fit the mould, and all forms of abuse, including sexual, can be interpreted in terms of "pretend people"

Controlling People
Either you get it, or you don't ! I've heard this a million times, and I always thought is was a silly thing to say - as that goes with out saying.......
But it just doesn't. This book has turned my life upside down - because, now... I get it ! Before I just thought I got it, but I had no idea about "what" I should be getting. Controlling People, explains a theory about how and why people relate to each other. This insight is of cause "just" a theory, but none the less - to me it makes perfect sense and I know that I will carry this theory with me from this day forward. This is a book equally for people who like to contemplate about the "why's" in life, and for those who need help finding their own personal boundaries.
The book is fairly easy read, and has some practical guidelines at the end, for those who might need that. Read it - I hope you "get" it ;-)