Product Description

Why Love Matters is hugely important. It should be mandatory reading for all parents, teachers and politicians." - Rebecca Abrams, in The Guardian, 17th July 2004

Product Details

• Amazon Sales Rank: #483 in Books
• Published on: 2004-06-24
• Original language: English
• Number of items: 1
• Binding: Paperback
• 256 pages

Review
""Why Love Matters has a scientific rigour not always found in books by practicing psychotherapists such as Gerhard...it is largely free both of sentimentality and psychobabble. The author trades in the hard currency of neuroscience when describing how different kinds of parenting affects brain chemistry.
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-Financial Times (UK), August 7, 2004
"Brief mention."
Family Datebook
-New Orleans Times-Picayune, February 7th

Review

"Why Love Matters is hugely important. It should be mandatory reading for all parents, teachers and politicians." - The Guardian

"Sue Gerhardt's choice of title reflects the loving attention to detail that is the essence of this book... excellently researched and well-written book which deserves to be widely read by practitioners, researchers and parents." - Psychology and Psychotherapy: Theory, Research and Practice

"Sue Gerhardt has written a vitally important book - a must-read for every parent, teacher, physician and politician." - Daniel Goleman, author Emotional Intelligence

"I would like to add to that positive view and suggest that this book be on every reading list you offer to new parents, politicians, clients, colleagues, family and friends." - Jeannie Wright, British Journal of  Guidance and Counselling

Financial Times
refreshing ... No one who reads this excellent book is likely to reproach a parent for "spoiling" a baby.

Customer Reviews

The Key to a better society and a better world
Before examining the book's content I believe it is important to state that in my opinion this book would be a far easier read for those with some background knowledge of John Bowlby's attachment theory or at least prior reading on the subject of parent-child relationships.

Obviously I am speaking from my own level of intelligence, (not too intelligent but an avid reader) I should imagine that there are many parents and lay people who would enjoy reading this book without the above prerequisites.

For maybe the first third of the book I found it quite heavy going because the focus is upon the development of the child's brain in relation to certain types of parenting.

Therefore, there is a lot of exploration into the structure of the brain and how certain parts such as the Hypocampus and Hypothalamus work in conjunction with other parts such as neurotransmitters like serotonin and cortisol. Initially the book seemed quite cold and technical.

Moving on, the book goes on to provide strong evidence for the work of John Bowlby and Attachment theory, illustrating how neglectful, emotionally ambivalent and emotionally distant parenting styles create brain structures and chemical imbalances that leave children prone to rage, aggression, hyper tension, violence, depression and addiction in adulthood.

At times I found the book disturbing when considering how many children are disadvantaged in this way, especially considering the problems they face in later life.

On the other hand this book is of huge importance to the lay person, professionals, policy makers and most particularly anyone who has or plans to have children.

The prominent message here is that a great many if not all of our social ills, war, violence, addiction, crime and murder (to mention but a few) are the consequences of unresponsive and abusive parenting.

Undoubtedly many parents may feel defensive reading this book, but I would defy anyone to offer a scientifically sound counter argument to the evidence presented within it. Also it is worth noting that the main thrust of the book is not to establish blame, but to throw light on what was previously unknown so that we may eradicate these needlessly destructive patterns.

The bottom line is that this book has huge potential to effect massive social change. In seeing how these maladaptive attachment and parenting styles lead to first personal problems and then serious social ones, we have the solution to making changes for the future of our children and theirs in turn.

Overall this book is a humanistic subject approached from a scientific perspective. Make no mistake this book is one of the most important I have and ever will read. Without a doubt it will also be the same for anyone reading the book.

Finally, in addition to being highly informative, it is also optimistic in pointing out that change is not impossible, but prevention is the key to a better society and a better world.

Finally, an explanation on why abandonment is so damaging
I am the director of a foundation that works in Romanian orphanages and children's hospitals. For years we have been perceived as amateurs by the therapists because we focus on providing the children with individual attention and affection. It is such a HUGE relief to find a book that makes our work worthwhile. The damage that Dr Gerhardt describes is seen 100 times over in children who have not just been disregarded, but have been truly abandoned: left to themselves for month after month with only staff workers to change and feed them. Babies that stop crying because no one responds to their desperation are horribly broken. The attitude that they will grow out of it is so misguided and hurtful. I would LOVE to have the book available in Romanian. It could have a profound effect if people understood what is happening when they think that taking care of the baby's physical needs is enough.

Essential reading
This book is essential reading for all parents and anyone who works with small children. It's particularly refreshing to read a parenting book that can back up its claims with real research findings, and which has enough respect for the reader's intelligence to allow you to draw your own conclusions on how you treat your child in the light of it, rather than the dumbed-down, unsupported 'rules' too many other books offer. We all know our children flourish with love and support - thank god for an author who is brave enough to say so and show us the evidence!