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How to write a novel
The Book of BooksThe Book of Books by Miro Lavaz
Buy new: £7.20
This is a book of little books. I made it out of other books. You can make one too. Just follow the instructions. Read this to verify my authority. Be sure to master each step before moving on.
Frankenstein: Or, the Modern Prometheus (Penguin Classics)Frankenstein: Or, the Modern Prometheus (Penguin Classics) by Mary Shelley
Buy new: £4.04 / Used from: £0.27
I read this when I was ten. I felt sorry for the monster. There's a long description of mountains, I skipped it and imagined one I'd seen on telly. It doesn't matter what Mary saw. End of lesson.
Tom Jones (Wordsworth Classics)Tom Jones (Wordsworth Classics) by Henry Fielding
Buy new: £1.99 / Used from: £0.01
Visit Henry. He steals, but only from the dead (that's morals). He told me not to write until I had something useful to say. An earthquake was blamed on this book. I wish I had a review like that.
On Methodology of Social SciencesOn Methodology of Social Sciences by Max Weber
Buy used from: £55.78
Get a structure. A story is made out of stories. You must arrange them into a pattern you can change without breaking it. Here's a book about making models. It's more or less the same.
Bible: Good News BibleBible: Good News Bible
Buy new: £10.88 / Used from: £7.99
Stories have been written for 5000 years or so. All humanity has had to say about itself was written in the first few weeks. It's all here. Pick a book. Retell it in a novel. Throw it away.
Alice's Adventures in Wonderland: AND Through the Looking Glass (Vintage Classics)Alice's Adventures in Wonderland: AND Through the Looking Glass (Vintage Classics) by Lewis Carroll
Buy new: £3.55 / Used from: £1.27
Boy, that was heavy. Let's go visit Alice. She's sure things ought to have a meaning and knows when things sound wrong. She knows every fallacy. Listen carefully. It all makes no sense.
The Arabian Nights: Book of the Thousand Nights and One NightThe Arabian Nights: Book of the Thousand Nights and One Night
Buy new: £57.00 / Used from: £21.85
Find a book just like yours. There's hundreds the same. Here's one like mine, a book of books like the bible. There's everything that stories do in here.
From Isolation to Intimacy: Making Friends Without WordsFrom Isolation to Intimacy: Making Friends Without Words by Phoebe Caldwell
Buy new: £10.19 / Used from: £8.35
Find one thing that's true. This book for teachers of the severely autistic is about wordless language. Mostly language is a far more complex social interaction where words don't really matter.
The Poetical Works of Sir Walter ScottThe Poetical Works of Sir Walter Scott by Sir Walter Scott
Buy new: £37.95 / Used from: £36.54
At last, the poetry! You can sing. But before you do, learn to sing two songs at once. If you're not sure how, sing Lucy Ashton's song until you get it.
Don Quixote (Wordsworth Classics)Don Quixote (Wordsworth Classics) by Miguel De Cervantes Saavedra
Buy new: £1.99 / Used from: £0.01
Now write a novel. It's easy. All you have to do is rearrange some or all of the little bits that make up Don Quixote. That's what everyone else does.