Student Book World - Avoid These Turkeys

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Avoid These Turkeys

	The Limey [DVD] [1999] Buy used from: £0.97 The Lamey more like it. Terence Stamp sports the worst Cockney accent ever. Soderbergh has him explain every rhyme to dim septics. Actually, thinking about it, Oceans 12 is much worse than this...
	The Crimson Rivers [DVD] [2001] Buy new: £3.98 / Used from: £2.38 Ludicrous inexplicable plot about Evil Twins. Vince Casells japslaps skinheads like he's trying to shake a randy dog off his leg.
	Shooters [DVD] [2001] Buy new: £6.77 Improvised as they went along and it shows. I switched off half way through.Good alternative to valium. Zzzzz.
	George Of The Jungle [DVD] [1997] Buy new: £4.98 / Used from: £3.48 John Cleese is a talking ape. Fraser mugs and simpers. God this is a bad film. If it were a dog you'd shoot it.
	Alien Resurrection [1997] [DVD] Buy new: £4.88 / Used from: £0.32 Sigourney battles her own monster-cum-baby in schlockarama. In space, no-one can hear you yawn. And Winona Ryder co-stars. Oh dear. Whatever happened to her since Johnny Depp rubbed her off his arm?
	Jaws 4 - The Revenge [DVD] [1987] Buy new: £3.98 / Used from: £0.66 Watch Caine climb down the steps into the big rubber shark as he's eaten. The Shark doesn't quite don a trenchcoat and stalk dark alleys but it might as well.
	The Swarm [DVD] [1978] Buy used from: £3.40 Ha-ha-ha-killer bees! Ha-ha-ha-Special effects! Caine out-acted by his own safari jacket yet again.
	Rancid Aluminium [DVD] [2000] Buy new: £4.98 / Used from: £0.58 Tara Fitzgerald's russki accent is authentic Swedish Chef. Sadie Frost is squeaky, pathetic and annoying. Dani Behr is trousers round ankles viewing though.
	The Hole [DVD] [2001] Buy new: £4.98 / Used from: £1.74 Bunch of kids down a hole. Drink, shag, swear a lot and kill each other. Then with nothing interesting to say, swear some more. And failing a good plot, swear some more.
	Scary Movie [DVD] [2000] Buy new: £4.98 / Used from: £1.28 Risible attempt to spoof the 'Scream' series. Carmen Electra's clothes falling off is the highlight.
	Body Count [DVD] [1998] Buy used from: £14.18 Bunglers nick a painting then get in a car, drive, get out, shoot each other, get in car, drive, get out, shoot each other, get in car, drive, get out...
	Existenz [DVD] [1999] Buy new: £4.68 / Used from: £1.00 Cronenberg ought to have stuck to making lager; Did someone throw a chair on screen or is that Jude Law? pointless meandering piffle.
	The Nightmare On Elm Street (Seven Disc Collector's Edition) [DVD] Buy new: £12.98 / Used from: £9.45 The original was worth a watch, once, but series since milked to death, like Friday the 13th. All sequels to be avoided. As welcome as a leper's dick in your porage.
	Eraserhead [DVD] [1976] Buy used from: £10.00 Damn, but Lynch must have dropped some drugs to come up with this movie. The chicken moving on the plate. The haircut. Rubbish written through every scene like Blackpool through a stick of rock.
	Wilderness [DVD] by Sean Pertwee Buy new: £4.48 / Used from: £0.71 Sean Pertwee makes his best acting choice yet by getting himself turned into Winalot asap. Good acting from a woefully under-used Alex Reid and others, but rotten boring derivative script.
	Ballad Of A Gunfighter [DVD] [1998] Buy used from: £0.01 If you like westerns steer clear of this. An absolute shocker. Guaranteed cure for insomnia though. Hideous. DVD better used as a crow scarer in the garden.
	Ocean's Thirteen [DVD] Buy new: £4.98 / Used from: £1.25 I thought the remake of Ocean's 11 bad enough, 12 was grounds for suicide, but this? Surely some kind of substance abuse must have been responsible for it being made. Dismal waste of talent.
	RPM [DVD] [2000] Buy used from: £2.99 Completely unengaging cash in on Fast and Furious car movies. David Arquette looks bored and the super car looks designed by an Airfix modeller. You'll switch off long before the end.