Product Description

This book presents a provocative challenge to the conventional wisdom of raising children. Author of nine books, including the controversial "Punished by Rewards", Kohn expands upon the theme of what's wrong with our society's emphasis on punishments and rewards with regards raising children. Kohn, the father of young children himself, sprinkles his text with anecdotes that shore up his well-researched hypothesis that children do best with unconditional love, respect and the opportunity to make their own choices. Kohn questions why parents and parenting literature focus on compliance and quick fixes, and points out that docility and short-term obedience are not what most parents desire of their children in the long run. He insists that "controlling parents" are actually conveying to their kids that they love them conditionally - that is, only when they achieve or behave. Tactics like time-out, brides and threats, Kohn claims, just worsen matters. Caustic, witty and thought-provoking, Kohn's arguments challenge much of today's parenting wisdom, yet his assertion that "the way kids learn to make good decisions is by making decisions, not by following directions" rings true. Kohn suggests parents help kids solve problems; provide them with choices; and use reason, humour and, as a last resort, a restorative time away (not a punitive time-out).

Product Details

• Amazon Sales Rank: #9579 in Books
• Published on: 2007-03-30
• Original language: English
• Number of items: 1
• Binding: Paperback
• 272 pages

Review
"Those seeking alternative methods of raising confident, well-loved children will warmly embrace Kohn's message." - Publishers Weekly "Alfie Kohn does it again: He takes a topic (parenting) that has been studied and written about for years and gives us a wise way of adjusting our lenses so that we really see it clearly. He doesn't give simple rules, he gives deep understanding and a core foundation for parents." - JoAnn Deak, Girls Will Be Girls"

About the Author
Alfie Kohn is the author of nine previous books that have helped shape the thinking of parents. He has also appeared on The Oprah Winfrey Show and Today. He lives in Boston.

Customer Reviews

Changed the way I parent
I have found this book fascinating and its really changed the way I parent. The 'using any method to get children to behave' principle is ingrained in our culture but the author argues very convincingly that this is very shortsighted.

Has really helped me view what I am doing with my children in another light and changed what I do

Completely changed the way I intereact with my child
Like most parents, I have tried start-charts, time-outs, naughty chair, sticker books, you name it. But at the back of my mind there had always been a niggling feeling that these traditional 'methods' were not the right way forward. Unconditional Parenting gave me the power to question those traditional beliefs and the tools to work with my child, to treat him with the respect and unconditional love that every child deserves. So often we enter into parenthood weighted down by our past - how we were treated by our parents. I'm so glad to be able to break that cycle. Read this book and stop treating your children as enemies who must be tamed and controlled.

Thank goodness I read this while my little one is still a baby - before it was too late!
What I particularly love about this book is the fact Kohn uses real research and evidence to back up everything he says. Name me some *mainstream* parenting books that can cite as many studies as Kohn does!

And they all say the same thing. Punishments don't work. They don't work in the long term (after all, you wanted to raise a good *adult* didn't you? Not just a "good" child?) but even more surprisingly, they don't always work in the short term, either! And even more astoundingly... neither do rewards!

Thank goodness I read it now instead of waiting until my son had already been subjected to the mainstream (combative, detached, adversarial) parenting endorsed by our culture.

No, don't worry, Kohn does *not* just say "anything goes" and you should let your child do absolutely everything they want to; he gives excellent advice on how to lovingly guide your child into becoming a great adult... whilst not having a melt-down in the supermarket!

I would recommend this to anyone and everyone planning to be parents. I don't often say a book has changed my life, but this one has.