Product Details

• Amazon Sales Rank: #9609 in Books
• Published on: 2003-09-01
• Original language: English
• Number of items: 1
• Binding: Paperback
• 432 pages

Customer Reviews

why does he do that
Before I read this book,and after reading several other books on verbal and emotional abuse,I was not sure what was going on in my marraige.After reading this book,I am sure .There is no doubt.I wish I had read this 10 years ago,when i first married.The author portrays several different types of abusive men--my husband is there.Your husband will be too, if you suspect you are being abused in some way.Or,the book will clear up for you whether it is abuse or not.This book is a diamond, a must have read,for any woman who does not understand why her husband acts the way he does.Through understanding the abuser,and his methods, his power over you is gone.He keeps you confused deliberatley,but this book blows that away.Even if you are too scared to take the book home, keep it at a freind's house and read it!!It has changed my life.I feel strong and most of all,clear and certain.There are lots of other books on the subject but this one is unique because it leaves no room for doubt.And to know that what is happening is true and it IS him,not YOU, gives you back your self esteem and hope for the future.Read it and be free from his influence.Look at your husband in his true light.

Why Does He do That?
This is an excellent book. I wish I had read it 30 years ago - I would have recognised all the warning signs and saved myself a lot of heartache. It is written by a man who is a therapist for abusive men but directed at the women/partners in their lives. You may think a book like that could be dangerous as it may make women think all men are the same. On the contrary, it opens your eyes and you see the various men in your life in a different light - but only through talking to their partners. Men I would never have thought could be abusive are, and those you might think could be, are not.

You might think it would turn you against all men, or that most men are abusers of one kind or another. Again, wrong! In reality through this book, you begin to realise that only a small minority of men are actually abusers although a few more may have the potential to be abusers if allowed. The key is knowing how to deal with them. How to react and interact with them. A potentially abusive man can only become abusive if you let him. With the knowledge this book gives you, you can learn to be strong and independent and how to stand up for yourself and not allow the abuse to start/continue.

I think every woman should read this book whether they are in a relationship, about to begin one or haven't had their first kiss yet! Forearmed is forewarned which can save a lot of unnecessary suffering. Good luck!

This is the best book I have read.....
about abusive relationships. I have read numerous books in the past year telling me how I may be co-dependant, how I enable my partner to abuse me, that if my behaviour changes his will change and that basically, I am the problem, not him. While these books have given me an insight into myself and have helped develop a strength and understanding I did not have before, they still focused on me being the problem. However, any changes I did make did not change my husband's behaviour and these books reinforced his attitude, that yes, I am the problem and I need help.
Lundy Bancroft spells out in this book in no uncertain terms that I am not the problem, that my partner is the abuser and a bully and it is his problem and he needs to acknowledge it and get help for it. I do not enable him to abuse me - Bancroft states in the book 'Abuse is wrong; you are responsible for your own actions; no excuse is acceptable; the damage you are doing is incalculable; your problem is yours alone to solve' - he is addressing the abuser. I can hold my head high now, I have worked hard on myself and become a better person for it, but I am not the controlling, manipulative female dog my husband keeps telling me I am. This book has made me realise the extent of the damage he has caused our children - he doesn't abuse them directly but watching their mother be abused has created untold problems for them - they are violent towards each other, they have low opinions of females in general and they are basically in turmoil themselves. This book has created a clear path for me - I need to protect myself and my children from the harm my partner is causing on a daily basis. Thank you Lundy Bancroft for giving me the ammunition to blast a doorway into a better life for myself and my children.