Product Description

In this groundbreaking account - already an international best-seller - Dr Marie France Hirigoyen lays bare the destructive |hidden| phenomenon of emotional abuse. She argues that while emotional abuse is not as visible as physical abuse, it is equally violent and perhaps even more widespread. It is a crime whose aim is, she says, |a virtual murder of the soul.| Illustrating her points with gripping case histories from her own therapeutic practice plus popular examples, Hirigoyen analyses the psychology of abusers and their victims.

Product Details

• Amazon Sales Rank: #38054 in Books
• Published on: 2005-03-01
• Original language: English
• Number of items: 1
• Binding: Paperback
• 208 pages

Customer Reviews

An enourmously helpful book on difficult subject
Many of us have experienced emotional abuse at some time or other in work, family or personal relationships without actually being aware that it was happening. Emotional abuse leaves you feeling down trodden, depressed, feeling guilty and sometimes even leaves you doubting your own sanity because the aggression is so subtle and devious that you can't pin point specific episodes and therefore cannot name it. All you know is that you feel awful and unhappy. The worst thing is, that because most people do not know that emotional abuse is a documented pathology which is generated by precise behaviour mechanisms that affects many, victims usually feel an incredible loneliness and believe that it is their fault if they find themselves in this situation. This leads to a state of acute emotional confusion and depression. Emotional abuse can effectively lead to a total erosion of a person's identity

Marie France Hirigoyen treats the three cases of abuse in the workplace in the family and in personal relationships in separate chapters in a style which is easy to read and avoids complicated psycho-jargon. She also includes transcripts of testimonies: of real people who have lived real situations. In her book, Marie-France Hirigoyen explains what emotional abuse is, the mechanisms between the victim and the aggressor and how to recognise it when it happens. More importantly, perhaps, readers who have suffered emotional abuse will realise that they are not guilty, that it is not because they are weak and useless that they find themselves in such a situation and that they were not imagining the constant, but subtle aggressions they suffered on a daily basis. Although Hirigoyen talks about how to get out of it abusive relationships and how to understand why they happen, the book does not provide a miracle solution for avoiding emotional abuse or getting over it. However, reading it is certainly a fist step towards understanding why it happens and can give readers the courage they need to finally put a stop to a painful and extremely dangerous relationships that can affect physical and mental health through the accumulated stress of having to deal with constant abuse.

For me, this book enormously helpful and perhaps the best part for me was the relief I felt at reading the testimonies of other victims who had lived exactly the same experiences as me. This helped me to understand that I was not alone, that I was not guilty and allowed me to finally feel the anger which many victims have so much trouble expressing. Coupled with specialised therapy for victims, this book gave me the will to start again and to define the boundaries of what I am ready to accept and not in relationships.

If you have ever felt that something in a relationship was not quite right, if you have ever lived a situation of cold looks, unsaid reproaches, insinuating accusations and confusing arguments where you are always made out to be in the wrong without having the possibility of explaining yourself, then it is probable that you have suffered emotional abuse. And reading this book could rpovide you with some of the answers you are looking for.

Be warned, however, this book is tough and can be emotionally trying as it brings to the surface feelings that you may have tried to avoid. I strongly suggest that more fragile readers consult a qualified therapist as well as read the book to get the support they will need.

I find myself recommending this book to many people, be they victims, aggressors or people who have been close to both. I am weary of saying things like "it has changed my life" but what I can certainly say is that it has given me a new perspective on the way I approach relationships.

This Book Saved My Life!
Although my friends had told me that I was being emotionally abused, and I had my suspicions, I did not realise the extent of the abuse until I read this book! I had begun to feel as though I was going mad - and everything really was my fault!! This book made me swear on many an occasion - just with the sheer similarities to my own situation. It was almost as if the book was written about me. The frightening thing about that however, is the realisation that there is such a set pattern, almost, to how all abusers work. Please read this book if you think that you may be in a controlling or abusive realstionship - it will confirm that you are not the one in the wrong and hopefully it will give you the confidence to set yourself free!

Excellent tool!
I was first recommended the French original of this book 6 years ago. It first helped me help myself, and is now helping me help others. The fantastic thing is that every single one of those that have been recommended the book, come back with testimonies of how it, often single-handedly, enabled them to break free from abusive relationships, whether in the family, at the workplace or in a relationship, whether man or woman, French, English or Swedish!! I have also recommended it to a civil rights lawyer who found it very useful in several harassment cases. It is easy to read, meaningful and does not waste time on psychojargon, it just says it as it is!! It should be compulsory reading for all social workers and psychotherapist! Read it!!