Product Details

• Amazon Sales Rank: #76119 in Books
• Published on: 1991-09-01
• Original language: English
• Number of items: 1
• Binding: Paperback
• 368 pages

Synopsis
Focusing on people who were sexually abused as chilren, and based on interviews and her workshops for partners across the country, Laura Davies offers practical advice and encouragement to all partners - girlfriends, boyfriends, spouses and lovers - trying to support the survivors in their lives while tending to their own needs along the way. She shows couples how to deepen compassion, improve communication, and develop an understanding of healing as a shared activity. Addressing partners' most important questions, this book answers common questions about sexual abuse, introduces key concepts of working and growing together, includes strategies for handling suicidal feelings, regression and hopelessness, offers practical advice on healing with distancing, control, trust and fighting, provides guidelines for coping with flashbacks, lack of desire, differences in sexual needs and frustration, and explores the struggles, triumphs and courage of eight partners. Laura Davis is a co-author of "The Courage to Heal" and author of "The Courage to Heal Workbook".

Customer Reviews

Understanding is Priceless
Reading some of the reviews of this title I thought I'd better add some of my own thoughts.

Yes, false accusations happen, yes families are ruined by them, but through this book you will be able to astablish a definite view of your relationship. I never doubted my partner, everything seemed to click into place when she accepted her abuse. Her abuse seemed to explain so many of the issues we faced as a couple and that had hitherto confused me.

But for me, who could never be as close to the situation as my partner was, her early recovery was a nightmare. I was unsure what I could do to help, unsure what she needed and didn't need and when my own emotions reached fever pitch I bought this book to try to make sense of them. I was starting to be eaten by my Partner's grief and was feeling overwhelmed.

And help it did. It helped me to understand why some things are like they are and why they aren't going to change overnight. It helped me by explaining my partner in a way she physically couldn't. And it helped me to assess my own attitudes and needs and to ensure that I remained as fulfilled as I could whilst still supporting and loving my partner.

One reviewer says that the book doesn't provide long term answers. True it doesn't, but that's because one size doesn't fit all - the path every couple need to take is different and the outcome of that journey will be unique. I don't want a book to make false promises. Dealing with the effects of abuse is hard both for the survivor and their partner. This book eases that journey.

Incidentally, if you're in a similar position to me expect lots of tears as you read this book, but you'll feel so much better for them. The relief combined with a renewed understanding of the issues your partner faces and how you interect with them makes this book well worth the money.

Don't worry about finding time to read it, the book is set in a nice Q&A style which means you can dip in to relevent areas quickly and spend time later reading the less relevent material.

All in all, if you're in the situation of needing support in this situation you really can't start with a better book.

Finally, the survivor in your life should try "The Courage to Heal" co-written by the same author with Ellen Bass

Supporters Find Answers in Allies in Healing
If The Courage To Heal is the sine qua non for survivors of child sexual abuse, Allies in Healing is required reading for partners and loved ones of survivors and victims.

Written in straightforward question and answer format by one of the authors of the best-selling Courage To Heal, Allies in Healing covers topics ranging from dealing with emotions (your own included) to confronting the perpetrator to sexuality.

Allies In Healing also includes the personal stories of a few partners of survivors. Written frankly, the book admits that not all relationships with survivors are destined for success, but also speaks of the incredible benefits of such a relationship.

For anyone who is a loved one or partner of a survivor should turn to this book first- it is the companion to Courage To Heal and will provide many answers to some of the most pressing questions.

An excellent book for the partner of an abused lover/friend
If you find yourself in the position of being the partner/close friend of a survivor you are placed in a dilemma - who do you speak to? Where do I find information on the subject? There very little support out there for the partner. This book is therefore the partner's bible - it deals with many of the questions that you will be asking yourself - some of which are deeply painful. If you need reassurance/guidance then pick-up a copy of this book and you will gain a deep insight into the subject - this book would also be an excellent reference for councilors. I simply cant recommend this book highly enough.